Why do I homeschool?

I get asked this question a lot. And then it's usually followed by an emphatic, "I could never do that." If you would've talked to me about homeschooling a few years ago, that would've been my response too.

But then Heavenly Father changed my mind.

Here's my story. When it was just about time for AJ to go to Kindergarten, I started to get a pit in my stomach. Then the time came for her first day. I walked her to the bus stop with the camera like a good mother and showed her my (fake) excitement in her first day of school. I didn't cry until the bus was out of sight. I'm not sure if I stopped crying until I saw the bus return later that day. I made Brent follow the bus to school that whole first week. I kept being assured by other mothers that the pit in my stomach would go away. I kept waiting for that to happen. It didn't.

At this same time, I kept feeling promptings from the Holy Ghost that I needed to be doing something different in regards to our family. I couldn't figure out what it was. We'd gotten pregnant with Lady, so it wasn't that we needed to add to the family......that was being taken care of. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what change needed to occur. I prayed about it for what seemed like forever. Then one day I was reading something on the internet and somebody mentioned homeschooling. Have you ever gotten an answer to a prayer that was like somebody punching you in the chest? I think I actually had a physical reaction when I read that word.

My first thought was, "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not a 'homeschooling' kind of mom." But I couldn't deny the answer I'd received. So I began to pray about it and I started to research it like crazy. The more I prayed about it and researched it, the more my confidence grew in the fact that *I could do this*. It also helped that Heavenly Father thought I could do it. :) The pit in my stomach slowly started to go away.

Then came the day thatI decided to talk to Brent about it. I was very nervous. His initial reaction was much like mine....

"WHAT?!?!"

But after talking to him about the research I'd done and the confirmation I'd felt through prayer, he agreed that we could try it for a while. The next question was when to start. How do you go about pulling your kid out of school? Should I pull Roo out too? (He was in preschool at the time and we'd just had some incidents which I wasn't happy about....ie: the teacher telling him he'd cut something out wrong and colored something wrong. What the heck? How does a 3 year old do either of those things *wrong*?)

The answer came shortly before Christmas break. At parent-teacher conference. First of all, let me say that AJ loved school. She's quite the social butterfly (remember what AJ stands for?). I went into PTC expecting to hear what all my teachers told my parents....."Ann is a great student, but we can't get her to stop talking. It doesn't matter who she sits by, we've moved her all over the classroom. She just can't stop talking to her neighbors."

What I got was quite different. Her teacher was a very nice lady. She sat down with me and showed me all the curriculum and art projects AJ had been working on. She showed me where AJ was in each subject. She talked about AJ's penmanship and other such silliness. I was starting to get frustrated. "I KNOW all that stuff. You send home most of her schoolwork anyway. I see this. Tell me what she's like in school. Tell me about my daughter....who her friends are....how she behaves in class....what her favorite recess activity is." I knew a lot of those answers already anyway, from talking to AJ herself about it, but I wanted to know what the teacher knew about my daughter. After all, it's not like she's a wallflower. The teacher couldn't tell me ANYTHING about her besides what was on paper. I left extremely disappointed. Why was I sending my daughter to this person who didn't even KNOW her to be taught by her?

After much thought, I realized why I was angry, sad, and disappointed. It was because I was jealous. This other woman got to be the one with my daughter when she learned new things. She got to see all of the "A-ha!" moments. She got to see her reaction to new things and new experiences. And yet she was missing it all. She didn't notice those moments. She didn't notice AJ's reactions and feelings. And who can blame her? Like I said, she was an extremely nice lady, but she had a classroom full of 25 5 year olds. How can you even begin to get to know them all (except the "naughty" ones (who I don't believe are really, truly naughty, just not able to sit at a desk for 4 hours)), let alone *notice* any of the extra things that happen, like "A-ha!" moments?

Then it hit me.....*I* know my daughter. *I* know her learning style. *I* know how to teach her. So why shouldn't I?

It was then that I decided that AJ wouldn't be going back to school after the Christmas break. Brent and I had some really good talks with her before we did all of this and she agreed that she'd like to try homeschooling. So I pulled her and Roo out of school at Christmas break and they haven't been back since.

There were a number of other reasons that were shown to me through all of my research and prayers too. I started to do some math and the thought of AJ going to 1st grade made that pit in my stomach return immediately. The thought of her being somewhere else everyday for LONGER than she was at home (not counting sleeping) did not give me any warm fuzzies. I *knew* that I couldn't send her away from home for 8 hours everyday. It would break my heart. I had been praying a lot about how to teach my kids the gospel and how to teach them the importance of family relationships and about the morals and values I wanted to instill in them. With the state of the world being what it is today, I felt like I wouldn't be able to accomplish all that I waned to accomplish in the few minutes we might have together after school (somewhere between homework, chores, playing with friends, eating dinner, any extra curricular activities, and bedtime). Also I read in the scriptures and in a number of conference talks and Ensign articles where it was reiterated that parents are responsible for teaching their children. In my praying, I found out that, for me, this meant in all aspects.

There have been a number of rough patches along the way. Brent and I have strong personalities and we haven't made any children who are lacking in that area. And I've learned that Roo has a totally different learning style than AJ, which has brought about challenges for myself because I've had to *learn* how to teach him. I LOVE the fact that I'm still learning. I love that I learn something new about my kids everyday. I love that I've been able to figure out different ways to teach Roo. (I still need to find some more). And I love that I haven't sent him to a place where they expect him to learn ONE way and if he doesn't learn that way, well then he's just out of luck. I am sure there are aspects of public school that he would LOVE, but I can't help but wonder what would happen to his already-fragile self esteem (he takes failure very personally and can have a hard time recovering) if he were in a system where he was failing just because of the way something was being taught to him....not because he couldn't learn it.

Tink has really taken off in the last year as well and is doing a lot of independent learning. She is a strong-willed little spirit and is like her mama and loves checking off her list everyday. She and AJ usually do their independent study up in their room together. AJ helps her if she needs it. I love that relationship.

And Lady is in Kindergarten (technically) this year. She's learning how to read and add and is really gaining speed lately. She loves our "preschool" time when I read and play with her and June. June just wants to be a part of everything. When we have scripture time, she gets out her Book of Mormon (a hand-me-down from AJ) and sits and "reads" along with us. It's awesome.

Every year since we started, we've done things a little (or a lot) different from the year before. And I keep learning about new ways and new techniques and styles of learning and homeschooling. I am so drawn to unschooling, but I don't know if I have the fortitude to follow through with it. It is a LOT of work for the mom, but it is so appealing. I think it's the ideal way to keep a child interested in learning and really teach them HOW to learn. That's really my goal....to keep my kids' love of learning alive and to teach them HOW to learn. (I'm still learning this myself as well....I have to un-learn a lot of things from school.) A book I've read recently has really shifted my paradigm. It's "The Element" by Sir Ken Robinson.  It's a really intriguing read.

I'm not trying to preach here, really. I know homeschooling isn't for everybody. But it's started to really take off in the last few years since we started. There are a lot of co-ops and some really great online groups that you can join and get advice and feedback. It really is a different world, even from when we started. The biggest thing for me is just getting to be with my kids everyday. I wouldn't trade our experiences for anything. Everyday is certainly not sunshine and roses, but we're learning and growing together and I love it.

Buddy, Body Image, and Life

I feel like I should give you another update.

Buddy is now 16 months old. He is doing so much better than a few months ago, it is amazing. He is HAPPY. And he is happy MORE than he is sad. I wasn't sure if we'd ever get to this place. He is so darling when he's happy! He has the cutest smile and a very infectious laugh. He has the other 7 people in this house wrapped around his little finger. People who come to the house always make a comment about how loved this child is.

His tummy issues seem to be mostly gone. He doesn't cry in pain anymore these days. And he's even tolerating a bit of dairy, though we try not to give him much because dairy's just not great anyway.

Everyone always asks how his sleeping is going. He is still not sleeping all the way through the night. But he sleeps usually 6 or 7 hours at a time, so that means he usually doesn't wake up until 3 or 4am. For about a week and a half he was only waking once a night. It was heavenly. I felt energized each day and so grateful for the sleep. After that long, I was really hoping we were on a great, new schedule. I was wrong, lol. He's back to waking 2-3 times a night. But if I'd just go to bed earlier, like at 10 (ha! I wish!), I'd get 5 or more hours straight, which would be awesome. Right now I'm just happy that when he does wake up, he will usually nurse right back to sleep and actually sleep when I put him back in bed (at least for another hour or so). Before, he was waking up and staying awake crying. That was hard. This is so much better.

(Dancing.)

We think he possibly has a bit of hypoglycemia. He NEEDS to eat often. He quickly goes into a downward spiral if he's hungry. So we try to stay on top of that.

Going through pictures, I realized we take a LOT of pics of Buddy in his highchair. He really is quite funny at meal times. He's happy when he eats. 

It's genetic. ;) 

(What can I say? He has sisters.)

(CHEESE!!!)

Buddy has really become an integral part of our family. He fits right in and has taught us all how to be more kind and patient and compassionate. I can't imagine life without this little boy. And can I tell you how fun it is to have a boy again after so long? There were so many things I'd forgotten about. I am loving it! And Roo is the BEST big brother ever. He is protective and sweet and always willing to play cars, dinosaurs, or Legos with Buddy. They are so cute together.

Buddy is, by far, our cuddliest baby. He willingly dishes out loves and kisses all the time. He also is more comfortable being held by men than women, which is a first for our babies. He loves going to his grandpas and a few of his uncles. I love it, since most of my babies have gravitated to women and sometimes our brothers miss out on cuddles. 

He's my first child that doesn't run away the minute I put him down. I've always watched other mothers/children in amazement when the kids stay right there by their mothers. My children have always jumped at the opportunity to explore (usually at a running pace) the moment their feet hit the floor. Buddy is content to stay within a radius of a few feet of me. Let me tell you how nice that is!

Buddy thinks that AJ is his second mother. He even chooses her over me sometimes. (He knows that he's more likely to get what he wants with her....she's a sucker for his sad face, lol.) I love watching their relationship. AJ always jumps at the chance to get him up from his nap. She loves that cuddle time with him. He adores her and usually does just fine in a new situation if she's there with him. 

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This last year+ of life has been fairly hard. (Not when compared to some people's trials, but I try not to compare.) My body is proof of the stress we've been under. I could look in the mirror and be frustrated at the weight and gray hairs I've gained. But I'm trying to be kinder to myself. My body is an amazing gift from God. It has given me 6 beautiful children. And when I'm stressed out, it has done what it's supposed to do. It has gone into survival-mode, which means holding onto extra calories and weight. And boy, have I given it plenty to hold onto, lol. But in a way, I think it's kind of cool that, if we lived during caveman times, I would probably have survived a famine, lol. That's a comforting thought, right? (See me finding the silver lining?)

I have always had body-image issues. I don't know too many women who don't. How can we NOT in this world? But I have realized (again) recently what a gift our bodies are. I believe that I was given the body that I need to have on this earth. And I am ever so grateful for it. It may not look like what the world deems as beautiful, but it is beautiful to God and it is beautiful to me.

I am in a much better place mentally now than I was a few months ago. So I am trying to give my body permission to rid itself of the excess. I am trying to give myself permission to be happy and optimistic again....to enjoy life and be grateful for all that I have been given. And I am SO grateful. It's been making me weepy lately just thinking about all that I have been blessed with.

 (Lady took this pic on our birthday date with her a few months ago. I love it.)

We went on a double date with Brent's brother and SIL this weekend (Vance and Page). Talking with Page is always rejuvenating for me. She always helps me put things in perspective and always makes me feel good about myself. She is an amazing inspiration and example to me. In talking about our husbands, we just kept remarking about how grateful we are for them. Neither of us realized what awesome men we married when we were first married. I just feel so lucky to be Brent's wife.

The older my kids get, the more I realize what awesome spirits God is saving for last. They are so much better than me! Sometimes it's intimidating being their mother because I feel like I'm the one doing all the learning and growing. They're the teachers! I am in awe of God's design. Families are the best way to learn how to be like Him. Our relationships with our spouse and our children are what will teach us and help us get back to Heavenly Father. Of this I am sure. I am so thankful for the families that I have been blessed with-- the family I grew up in, the family I married into, and the family Brent and I have created. As hard as the testing and stretching times are, I wouldn't give them up. It is through being tried and stretched and uncomfortable that I learn the most. God has shown me many muscles that I didn't know I had. And He has exercised them and made them stronger. It has not been a comfortable process, but it has made me a stronger person. I am grateful that He knows the plan for me and that I can take comfort in knowing He wants what's best for me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into a testimony, but it feels good to feel and acknowledge God's hand in my life. My friend, Julie, posted this beautiful Mormon Message about fatherhood. It strikes a chord when I think about what an awesome father Brent is. But I think the same can also be said of mothers and our relationship with our Heavenly Mother. Our experiences here as parents parallel that of our experiences with our Heavenly Parents so often. It does me good to remember that I am not alone, that someone else loves these spirits even more than I do, that *I* am loved with such fierceness, and that we are all working for the same goal....to all live together once more in the hereafter.

Holidays 2012

This is going to be a quick (or maybe not-so-quick) re-cap of the last 3-ish months.

Halloween this year was awesome! It was so much warmer than in years past. We had our traditional trunk-or-treat that is held just one street over from us. Then on Halloween night we stayed inside and watched a new Halloween movie. This has become our tradition over the last few years and I love it. We hand out non-candy items (this year it was temporary tattoos, glow-in-the-dark bugs, and finger lights) and we go through the candy the kids get at the trunk-or-treat and only keep the "good" stuff. My goal for this season was to not eat too much sugar. Why do you think people get so sick in the winter? I believe sugar is a big part of it. So we tried not to indulge too much.

The first week of November, we headed down to Arches for one last camping trip before having to winterize the trailer. Our great friends, Brandon and Cheryl, came with us. Having kids all the same ages as ours means there's always someone to play with. They are totally hard-core when it comes to camping, though. They have 6 kids and do TENT camping. I admit I wouldn't go camping much at all if we had to do tent camping. Yep, I'm a wimp.

We brought bikes, which was great for the kids and not-so-great for me. I ended up crashing on AJ's bike and getting road rash that reminded me of being 8 again.

Arches was beautiful! The weather was perfect! And we discussed making this a yearly tradition as well. :)

Unfortunately I only got one picture of Thanksgiving. We had it at Brent's parents' house and it was lovely. Great food and great company. We found out that our niece, who was just married in August (I think it was August), is expecting their first baby. We're so happy for them!

Here is the only pic of T-Day. This is Lady and June with their beautiful cousin, Emma. These 3 little girls are so stinking cute together. We brought Emma home that night for a sleepover.

We had a great Christmas this year. Brent was able to take off some extra time and the kids and I enjoyed having him around a lot more. It was hard to get back into our regular routine a couple of weeks ago.

Um, going through pictures has made me realize, once again, that I am a terrible picture-taker.

So here's what we have of Christmas:

 Before all the gifts were set out.

Ready for Christmas morning!

All 4 girls got American Girl dolls or the knock-offs (AJ and Tink got real AG dolls, Lady and June got the knock-offs. And actually Buddy got a knock-off as well since he LOVES one of AJ's. We got him one that looks almost just like AJ's, but alas, he can tell the difference.)

Yes, I realize there are no pics of Roo here. He got a few Star Wars Lego sets for Christmas and was already up in his room putting them together, lol. I should've gone up there to get a pic.

We had 2 extended-family Christmas parties. My family's was before Christmas and Brent's family's was after. We got a few pics of my family's because I have SILs who remember to take pics, so I grabbed Brent's phone and got a couple.

And the one and only pic we got at Brent's family's party is showing just how tall AJ is. Here she is with her Aunt Denise and grandma. :) She will be 12 in May.

For New Year's Eve we had some friends over that we met through the kids' Jiu Jitsu class. They have 7 kids, all similar ages to ours. They're a great family that we hope to hang out with more. I love new friends! And yes, again, we did not take any pictures. Ugh. But we followed in Brent's family's tradition of having a Pig-Out. We got a bunch of different ice creams and toppings and fruit and everyone got to pig-out! We celebrated New Year's at 10pm since that's when it's officially midnight in America and our friends went home to get their tired kids in bed and ours went to bed as well. We didn't even stay up to ring in the new year here by ourselves. In fact, I'm pretty sure Brent was asleep before midnight. Guess that means we're getting old. ;)