Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

(He's my hero, too, Baby!)

We interrupt this regularly scheduled post about something controversial to discuss something not at all controversial.

So my birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I turned 30. Yeah, kind of a big birthday, huh? And yet, magically I don't feel old. If anything, I feel like Finally! I'm not a 20-something anymore! I have some credibility to my name now, right? (Don't answer that.)

In pondering what 30 years meant in my life I came across the realization that it meant my husband has now been IN my life as long as he was OUT of it! Isn't that awesome? I bet not many 30 year olds can say that they've known their spouse for half their life. Brent can't say it yet. ('Cause he's old!....33!) :) This is the time of year I always get nostalgic remembering the beginnings of my relationship with Brent.

I've decided this post is going to be dedicated to the most incredible man I know. (And I can do that, 'cause it is (was?...it still counts if it's within a month, right?) my birthday.)

Brent and I met at church when he suddenly thought I was cute enough to talk to. Then we flirted at church for a few weeks until he asked me out. I declined. And in utter shock he asked me why. My answer: I'm still 15.

This is when it all started. There was something there right from the beginning.

The next few months went by with me trying to see him at every possible opportunity. I'd drag my friend, K, along on walks every single night and we'd just *happen* to go around his block, like 30 times hoping he'd be outside of his house one of those times. I think he started to get the idea of what I was doing and so would just *happen* to be hanging out outside his house on more than a few evenings.

We had a few good nights of talking that way. Then he got his mission call. And I was absolutely bummed. No, not because he was leaving (although I knew I'd miss him, of course I WANTED him to go on his mission), but because of the date he was leaving. October 18, 1995. When was my 16th birthday? October 28, 1995. Lovely. See the dilemma that presented?

Over the next few weeks we started talking on the phone a bit, and I'd still go walking past his house as often as I could. Oh, and we always had church to flirt. We both would try to get to sacrament meeting early so we could make our families sit near each other. As time for his departure drew closer, I realized what I had to do. I HAD to spend as much time with this guy as possible before he left. Even if that meant we were awfully close to that "dating" line. (For those of you who may not know, I wasn't supposed to date before I was 16.)

So it went like this.....
Saturday October 14th. His mother's birthday. She just happened to be my Mia Maid advisor. So what else would a wonderful young woman do on her leader's birthday but take her a cake? Good excuse, right? And possibly racking up some points with the possible-future-in-laws. (Yes, I was already thinking along those lines.) And of course, like any good Young Women leader would, she invited me in to share a piece with her. And who would just happen to be home to help eat that cake? I think you can guess. (Plus I made chocolate cake, which I came to find out later, Brent can smell from miles away.)

Sunday the 15th. Brent's farewell. I secretly hoped he'd say something "in code" to me during his talk. He didn't. Back then they still had the get-togethers after the farewell where everybody in the neighborhood comes to the missionary's home to give congratulations and money. Lucky me, my parents were friends with his parents, so we HAD to go, right? And lucky me, my little brother was his little brother's best friend, so I was doing my duty as a sister to stay there the ENTIRE time while the 2 young boys went off to play together. SOMEBODY had to walk the kid home, right? (He was 12 at the time.)
So there I sat on his living room couch watching everybody come in and out and vying for his attention, which he gave me every spare second he could. Then when things were slowing down and people had stopped arriving, he took me downstairs and showed me the mission pictures he'd had taken. I, of course, told him I wanted a few. He let me have 2. They stayed in my wallet for the next 2 years.
We said goodnight on his front porch and gave each other a big hug. I think this was where my addiction to his hugs first started. It's like Cocaine-- one shot and you're hooked.
We made plans to go for a walk together the next night.

Monday the 16th. He picked me up sometime after dinner and we walked to the elementary school. He held my hand. Sigh. We talked and talked. I knew I'd never met another boy like him. I could automatically be myself and he liked me! Better yet, he didn't play games. He came out and told me he liked me. I knew I had a winner.

Now this is the part where anyone under the age of 18 needs to stop reading. What happens next is not something I condone for the youth of today. But please don't ask me if I have any regrets because I will tell you: ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

When it was nearing time to get home, he asked me if he could kiss me. (Another check mark under "this guy's even better than I thought".) So we kissed for a bit and then he walked me home.

Tuesday the 17th. Brent came to the highschool (the seminary, actually, since that was my class right before lunch) and picked me up for a lunch "hang out" (still not calling it a date). We got some Wendy's and drove up to a park. I sluffed (remember that word? that's a funny word!) the rest of the day of school and spent that time with Brent. We talked and ate and kissed and talked. And all the while I was wishing that we'd met even sooner so that I could've had more time with him before he left. More than that I was wishing I'd been born a few months earlier, dang it! Then it would've all been "legal". After our non-date (wink, wink) Brent took me home and left to go finish his preparations for leaving on his mission the next day. We talked again on the phone that night and the next day he was gone.

Now for those of you thinking Brent was being "naughty" and could not be considered worthy to enter the MTC the day after kissing a girl, I'll have you know that he felt tremendous guilt about it. So much so that he had a conversation with his Branch President about it, wherein his BP proceeded to laugh at him and tell him to get back to his studying.....which he did.

The next 2 years were spent writing letters back and forth that took at least 2-3 weeks to get to each other. We sent a few audiotapes (which I listened to as I went to bed.....I STILL love that man's voice. Nothing else can give me goosebumps the way his voice can). Sent a few packages. Wrote my name "Ann Maiden-name Brent's-last-name" on all of my notebooks 50 million times. He baptized a bunch of people, I dated a bunch of guys. Some total losers (ask me about the guy who wore holey sweat pants on our date, had terrible halitosis, BO, no sense of personal space, and made me pay for everything), and some really great guys. The problem was, it always came down to the same issue. None of them were Brent.

2 years passed by, he came home and we picked up right where we left off. Only this time, I had to ask permission to kiss him for the first time since he was fresh off a mission and still freaking out about a girl even holding his hand, let alone kissing said girl.

I want to note one funny story since it should've been the first clue to Brent of what embarrassment being with me would bring him. My brother got married October 17,1997....exactly 2 years after our non-date (wink, wink). Brent came to the reception that night where I caught the bouquet (I think there might've been some hair pulling and toe stomping to get it), after which I immediately turned around to see if Brent had witnessed my fortunate ("fortune"-ate?) catch and to give him "the look". Of course everybody else also witnessed this entire display of "Yes, Brent, I will marry you." I think Brent turned about 10 shades of red. Silly man, he should've known it wouldn't be the first time I'd make him blush. And yet he still asked me to marry him just 4 months later. I'll tell you all about THAT story another time. Because it's also quite the story.

And somehow I've managed to hold onto him through 11 1/2 years of marriage and 5 kids and a whole lot of embarrassment. (Although he now claims he doesn't get embarrassed by me anymore. I don't know if that means I'm less embarrassing now or he's just gotten better at controlling his blushing. Most likely the latter.) And somehow he still loves me. That's enough right there to deserve some kind of trophy!

Thank you, Brent, for being the man of my dreams. You are my Prince Charming riding up on your white horse (or Nissan pick-up truck, Mercury Tracer, Saturn L200, Ford Focus, Honda Civic, Honda Accord, Acura TL, did I miss any?) to rescue me from a life of......well, from a life without you, which is something I never want to experience. Thank you for making HALF OF MY LIFE the most wonderful life I could ask for. I can't wait for the next 15 years!

I love you!

A Clarification

My friend, Cindy, made a good point and I wanted to follow up on it. You don't need the most expensive carseats on the market to have a safe child. What you do need is for the carseat to fit the child, fit the car, be installed correctly every time, be used correctly every time (meaning the child buckled in correctly every time), and for the carseat to not be expired or have ever been in an accident.

People sometimes wonder why carseats expire and think that it's just a way to get consumers to spend more money. But that's not true. Carseats do, unfortunately, expire. The plastic ages, just like anything else. Those of you who've ever left children's play toys out in the yard all summer (or all winter) are probably familiar with how the plastic is not quite the same after.

Different carseats expire after different amounts of time, though, which is also a reason for different price tags. Most carseats expire after 6 years. Some are as few as 5, though. There are a few that are 7 (the Learning Curve True Fit), the Radian has an 8 year life span, and the Britax Frontier and Graco Nautilus both have longer life spans (can't remember how long off-hand....8 or 9 years).

There are carseats I would NEVER recommend getting....not because they're dangerous or anything, but because some are just known to have issues. Some have issues with getting a good fit in most cars and some have issues with kids being comfortable in them, and some have issues with being outgrown way too early because of low weight-limit or low top-harness-slots.

For instance, on my carseat board, the Graco Comfortsport is often referred to as the Crappysport. They make the CUTEST covers on these, they're not super-expensive, and you can buy them off WalMart's shelf, which I know entices parents to buy them. The problem is that they only rear-face up to 30 lbs (not good at all) and only forward face to 40 bls. (also not good). BUT most kids can't even make it to 40 lbs in them because their top harness slots are so low, a lot of kids outgrow them by age 3, if not before.

If you love Graco, go with the new My Ride. It rear-faces to 40 lbs and forward faces to 65 lbs. It's a MUCH better convertible carseat than the Comfortsport (although I like others even better).

Carseats are so easily used incorrectly. I'll explain how to correctly use them.

1) Pay attention....the FIRST thing you need to do is read the owner's manual for your carseat AND for your car. When cars have LATCH anchors, there are sometimes rules about where carseats need to be installed with the LATCH anchors. For example, in our old Honda Accord, there are 2 sets of LATCH. One in each outboard position. If you want to put a carseat in the middle position, you have to use the seatbelt. Honda doesn't allow "borrowing" of LATCH anchors. Also, most vehicle manufacturers have a weigh limit on the LATCH anchors. So if you have a 65 lb-limit forward-facing carseat, you may not be able to install it using the LATCH anchors if your child is over 40 lbs. You'd need to use the seatbelt.

2) Now they need to be installed in your car the correct way. Make sure the LATCH belt or seatbelt (whichever you use) is through the correct belt path. (For convertible carseats, there are 2 different belt paths.)

3) Then you do acrobatics getting the carseats in as tight as possible. If you have locking seatbelts, you pull them all the way out and then let them back in, all while pulling to make sure it's super-tight. Once installed, grip the seat near the belt path and pull side-to-side and front-to-back and make sure there's no more than 1 inch of movement. (The idea is to make it part of the car.) To get mine tight enough, I have to kneel on the carseat while tightening the seatbelt. For other types of seatbelts, there are different rules that I'm unfamiliar with since I don't have any other kind of seatbelt in my cars. (If you have different seatbelts, check your car manual and carseat manual for instructions. If you need help, contact a local carseat technician (CPST) who will teach you how to correctly install your carseats for free.)
If you're using a forward-facing carseat, attach the tether anchor (over the back of the seat) and tighten as much as possible. (Note: Make sure you get a good install BEFORE you attach and tighten the tether anchor.) If you're using a convertible carseat for a rear-facing child that allows for the tether anchor to be used rear-facing, go ahead and attach that now. (Only 2 companies currently allow this-- Britax and Sunshine Kids.)

4) Once the carseat is installed rock-solid, you can get your child in it securely. For rear-facing children, the harness needs to be at or below the child's shoulders. For forward-facing children, the harness needs to be at or above the child's shoulders. Always keep the straps as close to the child's shoulders as possible (ie. don't have the shoulder straps coming out 4 inches above the child's shoulders when there are harness slots closer to the child's shoulders).
Now buckle the child and tighten the harness. It needs to be tighter than most people think. If you can grasp the harness strap by the child's shoulder and pinch it together, it's too loose. Go here to see a picture guide.
The chest clip needs to be at armpit level, not down by their bellies.
Tada! Now you've got a great installation!
One note for rear-facing children. For newborns, the angle of the carseat should be 45 degrees from vertical. Sometimes to get this angle correct, you need to use a tightly rolled-up towel underneath the carseat. (Sunshine Kids doesn't allow for this, but trust me, you won't need it with their carseats.) Once the baby has better neck control, you can install the seat a bit more upright. Up to 30 degrees from vertical, but no less than that.

Now for a bunch of common no-nos:

-Don't use any after-market products. No woolly blankets that go behind the baby, no harness strap covers (that didn't come with the carseat), no belt tighteners like this one. (I know it's from the same company that makes the Radian, but DO NOT USE IT!) And no using those plastic seat-protector mats that go under the carseat. You can use a thin towel if you really feel the need.
So basically, if it didn't come with the seat, don't use it.

-Don't leave the straps twisted. If you have a carseat with twisted straps, take the time to untwist them every time. Basically if you leave them twisted, it's going to feel like a rope is holding your child back in an accident.....no fun for the kid.

-Don't leave your kids in big, fluffy coats in their carseats. The harness can't get tight enough and the coat WILL compress in an accident leaving your child in a loose harness. Here's a demonstration of how to safely let kids wear coats in the car. Or you can just keep blankets in the car and put those over them instead.

-Don't use LATCH and the seatbelt at the same time.

-Don't use infant carriers (the kind you can take out of the base and carry around when the baby is little) forward-facing. (Yes, some people do it.)

-Don't use a carseat once it's outgrown.

-Don't use a carseat once it's expired.

-Don't use a carseat that's been in an accident. Even a minor accident can make small stress fractures in the plastic that can't be seen. And then it won't be as safe if there are any future accidents. Most car insurance companies replace carseats after accidents.

-Don't buy a used carseat unless it's from someone you know (and trust) who can verify that it's never been in an accident.

I want to reiterate that you don't have to buy the most expensive seats out there. There are more and more good carseats available. They used to be few and far between. There are generally reasons for some carseats being more expensive, though. Like I said before, some will last longer (either the kids don't outgrow them as quickly or they have a longer lifespan), some are super-easy to install, some have more creature comforts, and some are just known for being user-friendly all around. But really, you don't have to break the bank to get your kids in safe seats.