Pregnancy

(This is me last week at 26 weeks.)

I thought I'd update a little about my pregnancy, even though there's not much to tell. My pregnancies tend to be fairly uneventful, thankfully. This is going to be somewhat of a ramble filled with all the thoughts I've had swirling around in my head recently.

I've been feeling very grateful lately. In Relief Society last Sunday, the lesson was on learning to love ourselves so that we could better love others. The teacher had us write down 15 things we liked about ourselves. 5 that were physical aspects, 5 that were personality characteristics, and 5 that were spiritual strong points. A lot of the women were having a hard time coming up with more than 2 or 3 physical traits because they were thinking about things like "pretty eyes" or "nice legs," etc. And so I decided to show them how I'd thought outside the box with this one because I also got stumped for a minute. I raised my hand and told that I'd written down that I was a really good pregnant lady. This drew laughs, but I explained that it was something I felt was a gift. Pregnancy isn't really hard for me. I've been pregnant a total of 10 times now with 5 babies and one on the way to show for it. I don't (usually) get super sick the first trimester like many women (although this pregnancy was an exception, but I got through it). I have a really easy time getting pregnant, which I consider a HUGE blessing given all of my friends that struggle in this area. My heart aches for them.

My body stays strong throughout the pregnancies. In fact, I got teased by neighbors when I was pregnant with June for being 9 months pregnant, with Lady strapped to my back, out weeding the yard. I've had a love-hate relationship with my body for years because I've struggled with loving my body in spite of the fact that it's not at all what the media and our culture tells me it should be. At one point, my dad told me I was "Pioneer Stock." At first that statement angered me. I felt it an insult even though I knew he meant it as a compliment. I'm not ultra-feminine or dainty. And with his statement he pointed out that I wasn't the only one aware of this. But that isn't at all how he meant it. I now take that statement as a HUGE compliment. As I've grown in the gospel and in my testimony of my purpose here on earth, I've realized what a blessing it is to be "Pioneer Stock." I've grown to love my body for all of the hard things that it can do. I may not be the most shapely, feminine, or beautiful woman on earth, but my body is strong and capable and REALLY GOOD at being pregnant and giving birth. With each pregnancy, my gratitude and amazement have grown and I stand in awe of what my body can do. And for that, my body is beautiful to me, and, I believe, to my Heavenly Father. I am doing with my body what He wants me to do. I am fulfilling (at least part of) my calling here on earth by bringing these souls to earth and I'm helping to make and grow their own strong, beautiful, capable bodies. I feel Heavenly Father's love for me very strongly when I am pregnant. And I never feel more "womanly" than when I am pregnant. Even though my belly gets big much more quickly than it did in past pregnancies, I love my temporary "culturally accepted" roundness. I enjoy my new curves. :)

As far as the physical aspects of the pregnancy go, this one is going along just great. I'm in the middle of the "fun" part of the pregnancy now -- the 2nd trimester. I'm past the constant nausea and I'm not quite to the sleepless, have-to-pee-every-5-minutes, no-comfortable-position-to-sleep-in nights. I'm feeling the baby kick and squirm all the time and that is probably my most favorite part of being pregnant. I love when the baby gets the hiccups and my belly bounces. I love letting the kids feel the baby kick or roll under their hands on my belly. The kids are getting SOOO excited! And lately I've been realizing I probably need to let them all watch some birth videos with me in preparation for the birth. Especially Lady, since she keeps asking me when the baby is going to "pop out." I only wish it were that easy. :)

Having older kids that understand what is going on has been one of the best parts of being pregnant again. It's so fun to watch it through their eyes. They love to come rub my belly everyday and tell me how it's getting bigger and so that means our baby is growing strong. They pray for the baby everyday. They talk about the baby all the time. And we've pretty much settled on a boy's and a girl's name, which is unusual for me and Brent. We usually just have a "top 5" list leading up to the birth. This time we definitely have front-runners for each gender, although we do have back-ups in case the baby looks nothing like what we've chosen.

I've been listening to my Hypnobabies scripts more diligently lately. Although I need to figure out how to use my ipod correctly, apparently, since I was rudely awoken by Michael Jackson singing to me in the middle of the night last night and my ipod got flung across the room. I love my Hypnobabies time. The meditation and calm it brings into my life are a definite blessing during my normally chaotic days. It's a chance for me to relax and focus solely on my body and my baby. It helps me connect with my baby like nothing else. And like this baby's older siblings, as soon as I allow my body to relax and unwind, s/he wakes up and is ready to party and greet me with a few hard kicks. It's awesome!

My midwife, Cathy, is coming for another regular check-up tomorrow. I can't wait! I love listening to the baby's heartbeat and talking with Cathy about my awesome kids and how I can't wait to meet this new little one!

Ahhhhh. I really do love being pregnant!!!

Memories-- Youtube Style

I was driving in the car today and heard this song. And I was immediately transported back to my childhood. This song will forever be the "Larry Bird song" to me. Watching the Sports Illustrated NBA Superstars video over and over and over again with (and sometimes without) my older brothers. I was pondering my experience as a young girl being exposed to all of the sports hoopla via these same brothers and I realized how different my kids' childhoods are going to be. Roo isn't a huge sports nut (at least not yet). He'd rather do Tae Kwon Do or play in the mud or build something (usually Legos) with his hands. That may still change, so maybe my little girls will get a little exposure. It probably won't come from themselves. I don't have any sports-enthusiast girls yet. Who knows? Maybe even that will change.

Anyway, this song got me thinking and wondering which fun things we're doing now will be the stuff my kids look back on and remember with a smile.

I remember sitting in our family room with my brother, Matt, and all his friends watching this video, trying desperately to get his good friend, Mike, to notice me. I was too young to realize that a 17 year old would NOT have eyes for a 10 year old. But oh, how I tried!!!

The songs were great. Of course there's the "Larry Bird song." My favorite.

http://youtu.be/1FBuWLSM6Rk

And "The Warrior" will always be Charles Barkley.

http://youtu.be/ospDD4fXeYE

Magic Johnson will always be "Control."

http://youtu.be/XcDDHwP8XCE

And I have to admit (although I hate to) that I vividly remember Michael Jordan's video clip as well. Although luckily this song now conjures up just as many memories of "Top Gun" as it does of MJ. Thank you, Tom Cruise.

http://youtu.be/5RZarvayu_o

There were many more players on that video (Isaiah Thomas, Julius Erving, Dominique Wilkins, and I'm sure some others that I'm missing). But these above were the ones that stand out (and probably always will) in my brain.

I don't have the best memory. Usually if I'm trying to remember something from my childhood, I call my sister to tell me whatever it is I'm trying to remember. She has a memory of steel. So it's good to know there are still some things that I can bring to the front of my mind like it was yesterday. Siblings, this post is for you. :)

And apparently I'm completely inept at embedding, so if I ever get that worked out, it'll be great. Otherwise, you'll have to click the links. Sorry.

What I Believe About Food (Post Edit at Bottom)

I have put off writing these posts for over a year now, because I wanted to wait until we "had it down" and were doing everything right. I've recently realized that may never happen. I still have goals, but I also know Brent and myself and we have always had ups and downs and we probably always will. This will most likely be our life-long struggle.

This is going to be a tricky post to write. Let me start by saying: PLEASE don't get offended by what I might say here. These are my feelings and opinions and beliefs about things that I have learned over the past few years of reading about what true health really is. (And no, I don't think that my family and I are living it (yet).) I know it's hard and I think everybody has their own issues with food. I would just like to pass on what I've learned about food. If you believe differently, that's just fine.

*Standing up: "Hello, my name is Ann and I am a foodaholic."
One of the (many) reasons Brent and I get along so well is that we both LOVE food. No, really. I know a lot of people say that. We really mean it. We love to try new things, we love our taste buds being challenged with new flavor, we love to tweak recipes to make them even better. Brent loves to cook too. While I don't love to cook, I sure love to eat. And I always enjoy the finished product, even if the production of it isn't top on my list of things I enjoy.

About 7 years ago, we came to the realization that our love affair with food had gotten us in trouble. Brent weighed 290 and I topped out at just over 200. Most people know Brent and I have always struggled with our weight. We still do. Neither of us hit the gene pool jackpot in the category of metabolism. Add that to our obsession with tasty treats and you've got a recipe (ha! pun!) for fat.

There's no other way to put it. We were fat. So we decided it was time to do something about it. We started going to Weight Watchers. We learned a lot there and together we were able to lose a whole person: 135 lbs! I got down to my pre-marriage weight and Brent got thinner than anyone had ever seen him before. Really. This started our path toward being healthier. You'd think that was it, right?

Wrong.

While Weight Watchers was a great catalyst in helping us start learning more about health, it isn't the be-all, end-all of healthy eating. They're all about calorie-input vs. calorie-output, which is great. Obviously if you're eating more than you're burning off, you're going to gain weight (and we did). But after a few months we started to feel like there was more that we wanted to do. More than just buying 45 calorie/slice bread and 100 calorie/pack Oreos. We wanted to be healthier, not just skinnier.

We came out to UT for a family reunion the next summer and had some long talks with Brent's brother and his wife. You see, they'd recently gone vegetarian. We were curious. We had all the same questions I've been asked over and over.

"So what do you eat?"
"How do you get enough protein?"
"So what do you eat?"
"What about your kids?"
"So what do you eat?"
And lastly, "Why?"

The last question turned out to be the most important, and the focus of this blog post. I'll get to the other questions in later posts.

V & P started talking about the Word of Wisdom and we immediately started rolling our eyes. But then P challenged us to read it and pray about what it meant for us. I'd never even considered praying about the WoW. So Brent and I took her challenge. And the first time we read through it, it was like I was reading it for the first time. I knew, even before praying, what it meant for us. And then I prayed and it was confirmed. We were going veggie.

I would challenge anybody who just rolled their eyes at my last paragraph to go to Section 89 in the Doctrine & Covenants and read it again. But before you read, pray. And then read with an open mind. It might surprise you to find a few verses that are usually left out during Sunday School lessons.

We obviously all know the "Do Nots" of the Word of Wisdom. They are ingrained in our little brains from the time we're in nursery. But not much is said about the "Do's." I have an opinion about this. (SURPRISE!!!) I think that the "Do Nots" were more important for the early saints of the church. Because they weren't aware of the negative affects of tobacco or coffee or black tea. (This is true up until probably 50-60 years ago.) They were probably aware of the affects of alcohol, but it was a good reminder to stay away from it because of its addictive nature. In today's world, Mormons and non-Mormons alike know about these things having a negative impact on our bodies. And while there are still those that need reminders or new members who need to get rid of addictions, for the most part, this isn't the part of the Word of Wisdom that most members struggle with.

And in contrast, the "Do's" part of the Word of Wisdom isn't something that the early saints seemed to struggle with. They ate whole grains and fruits and vegetables in the seasons thereof. They used their bodies (exercise). They really didn't need these reminders nearly as much as the saints of today. The "Do's" are what we SHOULD be studying and talking about in Sunday School. And yet it's usually the part that gets skipped over. Why is that? Is it because people are uncomfortable talking about it? Or is it because so many members are barely even aware that the Word of Wisdom contains these things?

The "Do Nots" have been repeated thousands of times in lessons by the time we're adults. I think most people think that's all there is to the Word of Wisdom. But if you look closely, it's SOOOOOO much more than that. It's the ultimate "diet" guide....the ultimate "healthy lifestyle" guide. No other book (and believe me, I've read many) is nearly as complete at giving you a full picture of how to take care of your bodies, especially in so few words. :)

Let's start at the beginning.

1 A Word of Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—

2 To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—

This was originally given as a guideline, but later, Wilford Woodruff made it a commandment. Key words here: this is for the "temporal salvation of all saints in the last days."

3 Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.

Some people like to argue that they shouldn't be held to the same standards because they "won't get addicted" to the harmful substances God warns about, but this verse makes it clear. These guidelines were set in place "adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints."

And the truth of the matter is, we all have our areas of weakness when it comes to the Word of Wisdom.

4 Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—

I LOVE this verse. Heavenly Father knew that our diets would deteriorate so incredibly, and knew that there would be conspiring men with evil in their hearts at the center of the food industry (and the tobacco industry, but my focus here is on food).

Verses 5-9 are about the "Do Nots." And since we pretty much have all of those memorized, let's move on to verses 10 and 11.

10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—

11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.

To me, this talks not just about herbs being used as food, but also as medicine.

Now on to the "controversial" part:

12 Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;

This is where most Sunday School lessons stop. They don't like to go on to the next verse because it makes people uncomfortable. And if they stop here, they can say, "Everybody can define "sparingly" for themselves." But the truth of the matter is, Heavenly Father defined "sparingly" for us in the next verse:

13 And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.

"It is pleasing unto me that they should NOT be used" and then He goes on to tell us the times it is ok to use them (sparingly).

That is the verse that registered with me when we first read it 7 years ago. And have we followed it perfectly ever since? Heavens no. But we are always trying and the "meat thing" really isn't something we struggle with often.

But wait! There's more! God then goes on to tell us about grain.

14 All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;

So grain is for us AND for all the animals. And what about those animals? He reminds us yet again:

15 And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.

At this point, people like to point out this scripture:

D&C 49:18
And whoso forbiddeth to abstain from meats, that man should not eat the same, is not ordained of God;

But the thing is, God is not forbidding anyone from eating meat (and neither am I). He's telling us EXACTLY the times when "it is pleasing unto Him" that we use them. (In times of winter, cold, or famine.) That is not the same as forbidding or abstaining completely.

Let's move on.

16 All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—

17 Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.

All grain and fruit and vegetables are "good for the food of man."

And He cares so much about the animals that He tells us what grain is good for each of them. Does this sound like a God who would approve of the current meat and dairy industry?

(For anyone who doesn't understand the current state of the meat and dairy industry or who thinks that there are not "evil men conspiring against us," watch any of these documentaries. And there are more to be found if you so desire.)

And now comes one of my favorite parts that is also often skipped over during Sunday School. The promises that Heavenly Father makes to us if we follow His Word of Wisdom.

18 And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;

19And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;

20And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.

21And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.


So not only are we promised that we will have "health in our navel and marrow in our bones," (our physical bodies will be healthy), we are also promised blessings of an intellectual nature. We will have "wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures." I italicized the part that I have found to be true already in my own life. The frustrating thing is, that in today's world, the truth about health and food is HIDDEN TREASURE. Most people really are fooled into believing that unhealthy food is healthy. They are fooled by "conspiring men." I believe this without a shadow of a doubt.

Verse 20 has come true in my life and in Brent's. The healthier we eat, the more energy we have. And then we are better able to exercise regularly, which in turn makes us even healthier!

And verse 21 is a beautiful ending. But I ask you to think about it a little deeper. What "destroying angels" do we face today? What is killing off people right and left? I'll tell you the top 3 killers in America today:

1. Heart Disease
2. Type 2 Diabetes
3. Cancer

(Can't remember if that's the right order or not.)

These are the "destroying angels" of today.

These 3 things are ALL preventable.

They are ALL "diseases of affluence," meaning they're only found at such high rates in countries where gluttony reigns supreme....where food is found in abundance, and where it is taken through process after process before ending up on our plates in nowhere near the condition in which it started. FOOD is the #1, #2, and #3 cause of death in America. How sad is that? Especially when we have food in such abundance, we can easily choose fruits, veggies, and grains "in the season thereof" nearly year-round. (Although is it best to find food grown as locally and "in season" as possible, there is no denying we are extremely spoiled in the options available to us.)

Food is not only fuel, it is medicine. Just like food can CAUSE all of these diseases, it can also PREVENT them. THIS is what Heavenly Father is trying to teach us by giving us the Word of Wisdom. He's not only telling us what NOT to eat (in fact, it really only mentions meat in that category, besides coffee/tea/alcohol), He's telling us exactly what TO eat to make our bodies as healthy as possible. I am so thankful that Brent and I gained a testimony of the Word of Wisdom when we did. I was really worried about being left a widow at a young age because of Brent's health. It happens to people every day.

And while we still struggle with always choosing to put GOOD food into our mouths, we are 10 million times better than we were 7 years ago. And we have continuous goals to keep improving and keep improving. In future posts, I will talk about what changes we've made and tell you all about the "hidden treasures of knowledge" that Brent and I have learned along the way. But I wanted to start with this post, because at the end of the day, this is what it comes down to and the reasoning behind WHY we eat the way we do.


POST EDIT:
I forgot one of my most important points!!! If you'll notice, NOWHERE in the WoW does it say, "Moderation in all things." It's a Mormon Myth that that phrase is part of the Word of Wisdom and it comes up in nearly every Sunday School lesson about the WoW. In fact, that phrase is not found ANYWHERE in the scriptures. Nor has it been spoken over the pulpit. We mentioned this in Sunday School once, and a lady in our ward went searching through the church's archives looking for the source of this myth. She found it a total of 2 times. Once it was said by a member of the 70 in a different context. And once it was said by Pres. Joseph F. Smith. Except that he added a word. He said, "Moderation in all GOOD things." I like that because people like to use this phrase as an excuse to eat crap. Because they're "eating it in moderation." That is not at all the intent behind Pres. Smith's statement.

And you know, if you think about it, we are NOT a church of "moderation." In fact, most people consider us quite extreme. In the scriptures, it DOES say, "Feast upon the words of Christ." not just read the scriptures every once in a while. It says, "Pray always." not just pray whenever we have a need arise. We are a peculiar people in that we are expected to -and tend to- live our religion full-time, not just when it's convenient, or "for show."

A-to-Z

This is the game we played in our family room during a lazy Sunday afternoon a couple of days ago. All the kids contributed.

I'm going on a trip and I'm taking:

-antelope
-bucket
-cat
-dog
-Easter Bunny
-flag
-grape
-harp
-igloo
-jellyfish
-kangaroo
-leper
-music
-nightlight
-octopus
-popcorn
-quilt
-rat
-sandpaper
-towel
-unicorn
-Vance (Brent's brother, who would come in VERY handy on a trip)
-watermelon
-x-ray
-yak
-zebra

I think this was the first time we got all the way through the alphabet!

What fun games do your kids like to play?

This is Amazing

If you have daughters or plan to have daughters.......

scratch that-- if you have children (male or female) or plan to have children.......

scratch that-- if you have ever, currently do, or will ever interact with children of ANY age in your lifetime, you MUST read this.

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3354

I haven't read a lot of articles on this blog, and of the few that I have read, I agreed with some, disagreed with others. But this one is incredible. It's been something that's been on my mind quite often over the last few years. Looking back at how I was raised and taught about sex and how some of my friends were raised and taught about sex, this is some very compelling stuff. It relates somewhat to my breastfeeding post, about how all sexuality is deemed bad and since breasts are deemed primarily sexual, then they must be bad, even in the practice of feeding our children. I have had similar thoughts to this woman, but couldn't pull them together in such a perfect illustration of how I feel about the way the church preaches about morality and chastity. I think this is one area that HAS to change for the benefit, and ultimately, the salvation of our children.

I know it's long, but please.....read through the whole thing. I'm curious as to others' thoughts about her 13th Article of Healthy Chastity. It's something I'd never thought of before, but it makes sense to me. I wonder if it would help more girls open up about their feelings and even experiences if they could talk to a YW leader or RS leader instead of the bishop. It can be extremely intimidating as a young girl to go into a small office alone with a middle-aged man that you don't know very well and confess your innermost thoughts and experiences. Interesting thoughts......definitely gave me something to think about.

Either way, I think this woman is on the right track......I've seen some of those lessons in YW, having been a YW leader for a couple of years. Some of them really are archaic and even harmful to a girl who's made mistakes in her life and especially to a girl who's been abused or raped. I love how she points out that the "Boys will be boys and have no control over themselves" argument is harmful to both girls and boys. Boys need to take responsibility for their OWN thoughts and actions and girls need to do the same. And FINALLY, someone points out that it isn't JUST teenage boys that dwell on and think about sex quite often. Teenage girls are having the same (if not MORE) hormones raging through their bodies and are experiencing feelings and urges just the same as their male peers. It's not shameful. It's biologically normal.

I believe it comes down to the fact that the law of chastity isn't about shame, fear, or secrecy. It is about loving ourselves and seeing ourselves as God sees us......having respect for and taking pride in our bodies as gifts from God and issuing that same respect to all others and their bodies. Unfortunately, I don't think this is how it is taught in most YM/YW classes today.

Ok, discuss! :)

It's True

Yesterday my friend, Cheryl, nudged me into full disclosure by announcing my pregnancy for me on her blog. :)

At first I was frustrated, because up until now we'd pretty much only told family. So I started to question why I was frustrated. It seemed so silly. In past pregnancies, the whole world knew by the time I was this far along (I'm around 13 weeks). This time around, I've felt extra secretive about it and wanted to keep it private for a while. For the first few weeks, just me, Brent, and my sister knew about it. Then I told my parents, and then just a couple of weeks ago, we told Brent's parents and the rest of our families. So yesterday, I went inside my head to try to figure out why I was so hesitant for people to know. And I realized the answer. It started with my mother's reaction. She's a good mother. She worries and worries and worries about all of us, even when there's nothing to worry about. And that was her initial reaction to our news. It wasn't "Yay! I'm so excited! Congratulations!" It was, "How are you going to handle this? How are you going to keep up? Maybe you should send your kids to school!" (As if that would suddenly rid my life of stress.) And the thing is, it's not like I'm currently struggling with "keeping up." Life is busy and crazy, and I have good days and bad days, just like everybody else. But I'm handling my current situation pretty well, if I do say so myself. Then Brent told a couple of guys at work because I'd made him come home early a couple of times to take care of me when I was especially sick. One or two wanted to know if we were trying to compete with his brother (who works at the same place and has 8 kids) and another guy's reaction was, "You know, there are ways to prevent that." Hardy-har-har. Like that's the funniest thing we've ever heard. --insert eye rolling--

After adding all of this up in my head, I realized why I was being so protective of my exciting news. The thing is, I am excited about having another baby. Brent and the kids are excited about having another baby (The kids are over the moon!!! They have been so cute!) The problem is, besides family and close friends, we aren't probably going to get many "Congratulations!" this time around. Initial reactions will be one of three things:
1. the person will react with surprise and be incredulous as to why we would do this again.
2. the person will react with zero surprise or excitement because this is our 6th baby, so this is old hat, right?
3. the person will react similarly to that of Brent's co-worker and try to come up with something clever (but it'll really be stupid) to say and think they are hilarious and expect us to laugh at their wit.

How do I know this? The same thing happened with #5. It seems that going past the #4 these days (yes, even inside the Mormon bubble) is looked at with questioning and even sometimes scorn. When I announced my pregnancy with #s 1, 2, 3 and even 4, I got mostly "Congratulations!" and excitement from people. With #5, the scale started tipping in the other direction. I got more of the 3 reactions above than I did genuine happiness or excitement. And I think my subconscious has been trying to save me from that disappointment this time around.

I was discussing this with my sister last night, letting her in on my epiphany and she said, "Why do you care what "they" think?" And that struck me, because really, most of the time I really don't care what other people think. We're quite used to people having opposing views and questioning the way we do things. I should be able to handle this, right? And the thing is, if it were just about me, or Brent, or our lifestyle, I could handle it. I handle stuff like that all the time without it getting to me. BUT this is not just about me. There is another life involved here and it's this life that people are calling into question, and dismissing as "old hat," and making jokes about. And the MamaBear in me is insanely protective. I don't claim to know when the spirit enters a body. I actually think it's different for every new baby. But I believe that the spirit of this child is here with our family and with me a lot of the time. I believe this spirit is aware of the feelings surrounding this pregnancy. And it's my maternal instinct to protect this little spirit so that s/he only knows love and joy and happiness in regards to his/her entrance into this mortal world. So while my subconscious is protecting me, *I* am protecting my baby. But it makes me sad that I feel such a need already.

Shouldn't EVERY baby be celebrated? Isn't every new life worthy of happiness and joy?

It was great last night to have this introspection and to really delve into my feelings, but in the end, I realized I just need to get over it and not let others' reactions have an effect on me and that hopefully, by staying positive and excited myself, I can protect my baby from those who don't share in my joy.

So this is me getting over it!!! :) :) :)

Without further ado, I'd like to announce that Baby #6 will be joining our family sometime around the end of September!!! Brent and I are ecstatic and like I said before, the kids are going bonkers already, counting down the days!

Now to answer some common questions:

- Yes, this was on purpose. We have never had a "surprise."

- No, we don't care if it's a boy or a girl. In fact, we're not going to find out during our ultrasound at 20 weeks. This will be the first time for us not finding out. We're really excited to try it this way!

- No, the kids really don't care whether it's a boy or a girl (including Roo). They go back and forth on which gender they think they want.

- Yes, we will be having another home-waterbirth.

- Yes, with the same midwife. I love Cathy!!!

- This pregnancy has been entirely different from ALL the others so far. I got slightly sick with Roo-- I had "afternoon" sickness (nausea) with him for a few weeks. With this one, I've had weeks of nausea, followed by none at all, followed by more weeks of nausea. And it's been ALL DAY nausea. I've got an idea about why some women don't want to do this as often as I have. ;) I don't know that I'd have as many, as close together, if all my pregnancies had been like this. I have definitely been very blessed in the pregnancy department. Other than the nausea, I've felt great. The only complaint I have is that my belly is poking out already. I've NEVER started to show this early before. My sister thinks it's because I'm having twins, lol. I think it's just because this is my 6th baby and my body isn't even trying to keep up appearances anymore!

- Yes, I'm still nursing June. I nursed Lady through the first half of June's pregnancy. Lady gave it up when my milk dried up. My milk hasn't dried up completely yet this time, although I don't have nearly the same quantity I used to, but June is responding the opposite way Lady did. She's wanting to nurse MORE often. I'm starting to feel "done" with it all, but obviously June isn't, and I don't want to wean her if she's not ready. So I'll keep going until either she gives up or until I just can't handle it anymore. And who knows if either of those things with happen? Maybe I'll end up tandem nursing June and the noob. Guess we'll see.

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When I was on my computer last night, I stumbled across an online poll. It was asking what you wanted to be when you were little, whether or not you'd become that when you grew up, and if not, what you had become instead, and was it a good turnout or not?

As I reflected back on my childhood, I once again came to the realization (I've had this realization many times over the years) that I have become what I set out to become. My entire childhood, the FIRST thing I wanted to be was a mother. Then, of course, there were other things along the way that came in second place.....I wanted to be a veterinarian, a teacher, a pianist, a singer, etc. I haven't become any of those other things (well, except a teacher, but EVERY mother is a teacher), and it doesn't matter at all. My lifelong goal was to become a mother. It's the one goal that never changed over the years. (That, and to marry an awesome guy. And so far, he's exceeded any expectations I could've come up with.) And I realize I'm living my dream. This life is what I wanted when I was a little girl looking toward my future. I couldn't ask for anything more. Really. I love my life! I love being a mother and I'm so happy to be having another unique, wonderful, amazing spirit join our family! Won't you join in our happiness and celebration?!?!

What Boobs Are For--Part II

Happy New Year! (A little late.)

In my last post, Misty left a comment that I LOVED, but that also made me a little sad. She talked about how she normally nurses her youngest (nearly 3yo) at home now so that she doesn't have to deal with the judgements of others by nursing in public. I don't blame her at all. It just makes me sad that this is her reality. (A lot of women's reality, including mine.) This is exactly the subject I wanted to discuss in Part II. Not just nursing a toddler in public, but nursing ANY baby in public. Why is it so shunned? And why do I feel like it's possibly even more frowned-upon in the LDS society? (Not always the case, but I'll get into why I believe it to be so later.)

A few months back, I had a friend from AZ get kicked out of a McDonald's (yes, you read that right.....out of family-friendly Mickey-D's) for nursing her baby (who was less than a year old at the time....I believe he was around 6 months old). The McD's worker went so far as to "walk" them out to their cars (she was with another friend and their children), threatening to call the police! Nothing was done about it until the local news got involved and ran the story. I was shocked by the comments on the news website. There were a lot of supportive comments, but there were also a lot of hate-filled, ugly, disgusting comments as well. All because this woman decided to feed her child. And if you're thinking, "Well, she must have been showing a lot of skin," you're wrong. She does not like to expose herself, and therefore she keeps herself very well covered when nursing. In fact, I have yet to see ANY woman breastfeeding in public who is showing even a remotely offensive amount of skin. I see much more skin watching the teens walk through the mall in their skin tight clothes and shirts that leave nothing to the imagination. And yet nobody's kicking them out of McDonald's. Why is this?

I believe it's because our society is so hung up on the sexual nature of breasts that we've completely forgotten what their INTENDED purpose is. If you want to show cleavage down to your navel at an awards show, you make it onto the "Best Dressed" list. But if you dare show any of that skin with a baby attached to it, you're waging a war on modesty and decency! This is so demented!

When this happened to my friend, a nurse-in was held at the McDonald's a few days later, and we held a virtual nurse-in on Facebook. (Basically a page that you "liked" to show your support for nursing in public.) A "friend" left a comment on my feed about how that was taking things too far and "there's something to be said for modesty" and "What about the people who aren't in our same 'season' of life (ie those without kids or those whose kids are older)?" and "What about the possibility of a 13yo boy without any siblings or experience seeing a woman breastfeeding.....what about being sensitive to him?"

Honestly, I wanted to smack her. But I refrained and tried to show her my perspective. Nursing isn't about being modest or immodest. It's about feeding a baby. Is there a possibility that you might see a little bit of skin or (heaven forbid) nipple while watching someone nurse a baby? Yep. I'm sure that people who've been around me have seen more skin than I realize when I'm feeding my babies. But do I care? Absolutely not. My "friend" who thinks nursing in public is immodest would see that as being confrontational. But I disagree. I never purposely show skin, but I also don't freak out if I'm not as fast with my shirt as my baby is in turning her head. It happens. Has someone around me ever been uncomfortable by my nursing? Most likely. But as I said to my "friend," my responsibility lies in feeding my baby, not in making sure everyone around me is ok with me feeding my baby.

Also, you can't please everybody. Some people are offended by it no matter how many layers a woman puts over the "offending activity." I know a lot of women who choose to use a nursing cover. I've even given them out as gifts before because I think I would've been more comfortable using one when AJ was a baby. It took us a while to get the hang of things and more often than not I needed 2 hands to nurse her and it was nearly impossible to keep my boob covered up. So I used a blanket instead, which fell off constantly. So annoying. So I think those nursing covers are a great idea for anyone who's not super comfortable or is less-than-coordinated, as I was. But I don't use them now. I think I tried them with Tink, but by then I was a lot more comfortable (and coordinated) and didn't feel the need to use one. Plus I actually think they draw MORE attention to the "offending activity." It's no secret what's going on under one of those things. ;) What I worry about with the nursing covers is that women feel the need to use them for everybody else's benefit and that bothers me. If a woman is more comfortable, HERSELF, using one, then more power to her. But if she's doing it because that's what is politically correct in this society, then that makes me crazy.

I had a lengthy conversation with another great friend who didn't like breastfeeding pictures because she worried that it perpetuated the p*rn problem. I don't know whether it does or doesn't, but I do think this subject is at the root of one of my issues with the opposition of nursing in public. In today's society boys and men are taught that boobs are for one thing and one thing only AND that they're these great, mysterious balls of wonder put on women purely for male enjoyment. I think this is at the heart of why the p*rn industry is so huge right now (along with the plethora of ways it's available). If we take away the mystery and wonder with our young boys and teach them first and foremost the intended purpose of boobs and the rest of women's bodies, then HOPEFULLY they won't be so caught up in trying to get a glimpse of them.

It's one of the things I believe to be at the root of the p*rn problem within the church these days. Because boobs-in-the-act-of-breastfeeding are lumped together with boobs-in-general when discussing modesty, boobs have this mystery and secrecy behind them that would stir anybody's curiosity. I found out something recently that made me jump for joy. It hasn't always been this way within the church. Remember WAY back in the day.....I'm talking pioneer-times? When the women would be covered from neck to ankle? Well, that was true at all times EXCEPT when breastfeeding! Surprise! Because it was NORMAL back then. That's how you fed your baby. And it was completely acceptable and normal, EVEN during Sacrament Meeting. -gasp!- Want proof?

(photo courtesy of http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/)

This is a photo of a painting at the Church History Museum. You can see the full version here along with a couple other close-ups depicting breastfeeding in the early days of the church and a great blog post about it. I love it! Here's another great post about nursing in the church. (This post is another great read about exposing children to nursing.)

This shows me that it is a fairly recent development in our society for nursing to be considered "immodest" or something that needs to be taken to another room.

I was talking to my brother and sister-in-law about this last night and expressing my concern that maybe the LDS society was a little TOO modest (specifically within our homes) and if the human body wasn't such a mystery that only serves to pique the curiosity of young men and young women, that MAYBE we wouldn't have as big of a fight against porn as we currently do. My brother pointed out that there are societies that are more modest than we are. Muslims, for example, cover much more than we do when outside of the home. BUT I don't know that they are as modest INSIDE their homes. One of my good friends in MI was Muslim and she invited me to a few get-togethers with her friends and family. These were female get-togethers, but there were children present (male and female children). All the women took off their hijabs while inside and "got comfortable." During one of these parties, a number of the women did some belly dancing, and wore the associated clothing. This is the only example I have to go on since we don't have many Muslim neighbors here in UT. But it was interesting to me that, at least in the case of these women, their "modest" clothing was worn only when men were around. This showed me that their boys grew up seeing their mothers not-fully-clothed. Another question I had, which I don't know the answer to, is whether or not there is as much of a problem with pornography in the Muslim society as there is in the LDS society. So once again, lots of questions, which I don't have the answers to. I only have theories.

So maybe nursing in public (and around young children, especially) isn't the cure for p*rn, but I think it is probably a good defense. There will always be p*rn and there will always be men and women who struggle with it, but my hope (at least for my children) is that because they have been exposed to what *real* bodies look like and what their purpose is, they will be less likely to get caught up in the mystery surrounding them.

Poor Roo is kind of an on-going experiment. Being my one and only son, I guess it's safe to say I'm testing out my theory on him. I'm going to confess something that I may get berated for. But so-be-it. I'm not advocating this for everybody, but so far it's working for us. Brent and I decided long ago that we wouldn't hide our bodies from our children until 1 of us (either the kids or the parents) felt uncomfortable. So far, Brent has felt uncomfortable with AJ around, so she knows she can't be in the bathroom when he's getting in and out of the shower. I don't think AJ could care less. She was old enough when we stopped letting her in that I'm sure she remembers what his body looks like. And she's still seen Roo naked now and again, so it's not like she doesn't know what a penis looks like. (The younger 3 girls still all see me and Brent naked almost daily.) Many women would frown on the fact that Roo still sees me naked. But I am very comfortable with my body (I guess having 5 kids and multiple hands and faces in your nether region will do that to you). Not that I'd go stand out on my porch naked as a jaybird for all the neighbors to see, but I don't mind those who are close to me seeing me naked. Roo is not yet uncomfortable with this. I recently told a friend this and she was shocked because her 6yo son would be mortified to see her naked. He's into the "EW, girls! Cooties! Yuck!" thing. Roo hasn't ever gotten into that, most likely because he's homeschooled and has no idea that girls are supposed to be gross yet. None of his homeschool friends have told him otherwise and apparently neither have his church or neighborhood friends, since many of them ARE girls. ;)

I'm not sure how much longer this relationship will go on. I'm sure one of us will start to feel uncomfortable fairly soon. But for now, he still walks in on me while I'm getting dressed, and we have a conversation. The whole time I'm watching for signs of discomfort from him, but there haven't been any yet. He looks me in the face. His eyes don't wander, even though I know he's seeing my whole body. And he never gives any indication that this is anything but normal. It makes me happy. Because when he's bombarded by images of scantily-clad women and websites showing stars covering nipples and groins, he's going to know what's underneath those stars. And the FIRST image of a naked woman that is planted in his mind will be that of his mother (or some of the other women that we've watched on birth videos and such). NORMAL female bodies. And he's going to know that a vagina gives birth and that boobs feed babies. And that sometimes (most times) women's bodies don't look like they do on the magazines and that THAT'S OK. Because his father, who he looks up to and admires as his hero, LOVED this woman who had a less-than-magazine-image body. In fact, it had -gasp!- stretch marks from babies and it had -gasp!- pubic hair and it sometimes even had -gasp!- hairy legs! And those boobs that he'll eventually learn from society are purely sexual, he'll be able to remember his mother feeding all of his sisters and know that their most important purpose is for the nourishment of children.

This is my hope and my prayer, anyway. Like I said, Roo is kind of an on-going experiment. But it's one I believe in (duh, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it).

So this probably goes way deeper than just nursing in public. But I believe this is where it starts. One of my fears is that my last baby won't nurse until s/he is old enough to remember nursing. And then s/he won't see it on a daily basis like his/her siblings. And there won't be enough women around who go against the norms of society and dare to feed their babies in front of my children. Oh, how I want more women to give my children this opportunity -- to see someone besides their mother nursing a baby.

Now when I see a woman nursing in public (which is still a rare occasion, unfortunately), I go out of my way to give her a smile.

Here are a couple more great blogs about breastfeeding in public (2 of these are referenced above):

http://www.nursingfreedom.org/2010/08/why-children-should-witness.html

http://aworldofwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/08/should-children-be-exposed-to.html

http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/08/breastfeeding-history-moment-lds.html

ps I have a friend who hates that I use the word "boobs." And I admit, it's not the prettiest word. But I don't love the word "breasts." Our children know that word, and know what they are, but we use "boobs" more in this house (not that we go around saying these words numerous times a day), so that's why I used that word in this post. Sorry for those that hate that word. Maybe I should have said "milk bags." :)

pps I should have made it more clear before, but just to make sure I'm understood.......I DO think boobs are for more than just breastfeeding. They most definitely serve a sexual purpose and I think this is as God intended. They are multi-functional, for sure. BUT I do believe their most important role (and the one that should NOT be hidden away) is that of baby nurturer.