This is Amazing

If you have daughters or plan to have daughters.......

scratch that-- if you have children (male or female) or plan to have children.......

scratch that-- if you have ever, currently do, or will ever interact with children of ANY age in your lifetime, you MUST read this.

http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?p=3354

I haven't read a lot of articles on this blog, and of the few that I have read, I agreed with some, disagreed with others. But this one is incredible. It's been something that's been on my mind quite often over the last few years. Looking back at how I was raised and taught about sex and how some of my friends were raised and taught about sex, this is some very compelling stuff. It relates somewhat to my breastfeeding post, about how all sexuality is deemed bad and since breasts are deemed primarily sexual, then they must be bad, even in the practice of feeding our children. I have had similar thoughts to this woman, but couldn't pull them together in such a perfect illustration of how I feel about the way the church preaches about morality and chastity. I think this is one area that HAS to change for the benefit, and ultimately, the salvation of our children.

I know it's long, but please.....read through the whole thing. I'm curious as to others' thoughts about her 13th Article of Healthy Chastity. It's something I'd never thought of before, but it makes sense to me. I wonder if it would help more girls open up about their feelings and even experiences if they could talk to a YW leader or RS leader instead of the bishop. It can be extremely intimidating as a young girl to go into a small office alone with a middle-aged man that you don't know very well and confess your innermost thoughts and experiences. Interesting thoughts......definitely gave me something to think about.

Either way, I think this woman is on the right track......I've seen some of those lessons in YW, having been a YW leader for a couple of years. Some of them really are archaic and even harmful to a girl who's made mistakes in her life and especially to a girl who's been abused or raped. I love how she points out that the "Boys will be boys and have no control over themselves" argument is harmful to both girls and boys. Boys need to take responsibility for their OWN thoughts and actions and girls need to do the same. And FINALLY, someone points out that it isn't JUST teenage boys that dwell on and think about sex quite often. Teenage girls are having the same (if not MORE) hormones raging through their bodies and are experiencing feelings and urges just the same as their male peers. It's not shameful. It's biologically normal.

I believe it comes down to the fact that the law of chastity isn't about shame, fear, or secrecy. It is about loving ourselves and seeing ourselves as God sees us......having respect for and taking pride in our bodies as gifts from God and issuing that same respect to all others and their bodies. Unfortunately, I don't think this is how it is taught in most YM/YW classes today.

Ok, discuss! :)

It's True

Yesterday my friend, Cheryl, nudged me into full disclosure by announcing my pregnancy for me on her blog. :)

At first I was frustrated, because up until now we'd pretty much only told family. So I started to question why I was frustrated. It seemed so silly. In past pregnancies, the whole world knew by the time I was this far along (I'm around 13 weeks). This time around, I've felt extra secretive about it and wanted to keep it private for a while. For the first few weeks, just me, Brent, and my sister knew about it. Then I told my parents, and then just a couple of weeks ago, we told Brent's parents and the rest of our families. So yesterday, I went inside my head to try to figure out why I was so hesitant for people to know. And I realized the answer. It started with my mother's reaction. She's a good mother. She worries and worries and worries about all of us, even when there's nothing to worry about. And that was her initial reaction to our news. It wasn't "Yay! I'm so excited! Congratulations!" It was, "How are you going to handle this? How are you going to keep up? Maybe you should send your kids to school!" (As if that would suddenly rid my life of stress.) And the thing is, it's not like I'm currently struggling with "keeping up." Life is busy and crazy, and I have good days and bad days, just like everybody else. But I'm handling my current situation pretty well, if I do say so myself. Then Brent told a couple of guys at work because I'd made him come home early a couple of times to take care of me when I was especially sick. One or two wanted to know if we were trying to compete with his brother (who works at the same place and has 8 kids) and another guy's reaction was, "You know, there are ways to prevent that." Hardy-har-har. Like that's the funniest thing we've ever heard. --insert eye rolling--

After adding all of this up in my head, I realized why I was being so protective of my exciting news. The thing is, I am excited about having another baby. Brent and the kids are excited about having another baby (The kids are over the moon!!! They have been so cute!) The problem is, besides family and close friends, we aren't probably going to get many "Congratulations!" this time around. Initial reactions will be one of three things:
1. the person will react with surprise and be incredulous as to why we would do this again.
2. the person will react with zero surprise or excitement because this is our 6th baby, so this is old hat, right?
3. the person will react similarly to that of Brent's co-worker and try to come up with something clever (but it'll really be stupid) to say and think they are hilarious and expect us to laugh at their wit.

How do I know this? The same thing happened with #5. It seems that going past the #4 these days (yes, even inside the Mormon bubble) is looked at with questioning and even sometimes scorn. When I announced my pregnancy with #s 1, 2, 3 and even 4, I got mostly "Congratulations!" and excitement from people. With #5, the scale started tipping in the other direction. I got more of the 3 reactions above than I did genuine happiness or excitement. And I think my subconscious has been trying to save me from that disappointment this time around.

I was discussing this with my sister last night, letting her in on my epiphany and she said, "Why do you care what "they" think?" And that struck me, because really, most of the time I really don't care what other people think. We're quite used to people having opposing views and questioning the way we do things. I should be able to handle this, right? And the thing is, if it were just about me, or Brent, or our lifestyle, I could handle it. I handle stuff like that all the time without it getting to me. BUT this is not just about me. There is another life involved here and it's this life that people are calling into question, and dismissing as "old hat," and making jokes about. And the MamaBear in me is insanely protective. I don't claim to know when the spirit enters a body. I actually think it's different for every new baby. But I believe that the spirit of this child is here with our family and with me a lot of the time. I believe this spirit is aware of the feelings surrounding this pregnancy. And it's my maternal instinct to protect this little spirit so that s/he only knows love and joy and happiness in regards to his/her entrance into this mortal world. So while my subconscious is protecting me, *I* am protecting my baby. But it makes me sad that I feel such a need already.

Shouldn't EVERY baby be celebrated? Isn't every new life worthy of happiness and joy?

It was great last night to have this introspection and to really delve into my feelings, but in the end, I realized I just need to get over it and not let others' reactions have an effect on me and that hopefully, by staying positive and excited myself, I can protect my baby from those who don't share in my joy.

So this is me getting over it!!! :) :) :)

Without further ado, I'd like to announce that Baby #6 will be joining our family sometime around the end of September!!! Brent and I are ecstatic and like I said before, the kids are going bonkers already, counting down the days!

Now to answer some common questions:

- Yes, this was on purpose. We have never had a "surprise."

- No, we don't care if it's a boy or a girl. In fact, we're not going to find out during our ultrasound at 20 weeks. This will be the first time for us not finding out. We're really excited to try it this way!

- No, the kids really don't care whether it's a boy or a girl (including Roo). They go back and forth on which gender they think they want.

- Yes, we will be having another home-waterbirth.

- Yes, with the same midwife. I love Cathy!!!

- This pregnancy has been entirely different from ALL the others so far. I got slightly sick with Roo-- I had "afternoon" sickness (nausea) with him for a few weeks. With this one, I've had weeks of nausea, followed by none at all, followed by more weeks of nausea. And it's been ALL DAY nausea. I've got an idea about why some women don't want to do this as often as I have. ;) I don't know that I'd have as many, as close together, if all my pregnancies had been like this. I have definitely been very blessed in the pregnancy department. Other than the nausea, I've felt great. The only complaint I have is that my belly is poking out already. I've NEVER started to show this early before. My sister thinks it's because I'm having twins, lol. I think it's just because this is my 6th baby and my body isn't even trying to keep up appearances anymore!

- Yes, I'm still nursing June. I nursed Lady through the first half of June's pregnancy. Lady gave it up when my milk dried up. My milk hasn't dried up completely yet this time, although I don't have nearly the same quantity I used to, but June is responding the opposite way Lady did. She's wanting to nurse MORE often. I'm starting to feel "done" with it all, but obviously June isn't, and I don't want to wean her if she's not ready. So I'll keep going until either she gives up or until I just can't handle it anymore. And who knows if either of those things with happen? Maybe I'll end up tandem nursing June and the noob. Guess we'll see.

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When I was on my computer last night, I stumbled across an online poll. It was asking what you wanted to be when you were little, whether or not you'd become that when you grew up, and if not, what you had become instead, and was it a good turnout or not?

As I reflected back on my childhood, I once again came to the realization (I've had this realization many times over the years) that I have become what I set out to become. My entire childhood, the FIRST thing I wanted to be was a mother. Then, of course, there were other things along the way that came in second place.....I wanted to be a veterinarian, a teacher, a pianist, a singer, etc. I haven't become any of those other things (well, except a teacher, but EVERY mother is a teacher), and it doesn't matter at all. My lifelong goal was to become a mother. It's the one goal that never changed over the years. (That, and to marry an awesome guy. And so far, he's exceeded any expectations I could've come up with.) And I realize I'm living my dream. This life is what I wanted when I was a little girl looking toward my future. I couldn't ask for anything more. Really. I love my life! I love being a mother and I'm so happy to be having another unique, wonderful, amazing spirit join our family! Won't you join in our happiness and celebration?!?!

What Boobs Are For--Part II

Happy New Year! (A little late.)

In my last post, Misty left a comment that I LOVED, but that also made me a little sad. She talked about how she normally nurses her youngest (nearly 3yo) at home now so that she doesn't have to deal with the judgements of others by nursing in public. I don't blame her at all. It just makes me sad that this is her reality. (A lot of women's reality, including mine.) This is exactly the subject I wanted to discuss in Part II. Not just nursing a toddler in public, but nursing ANY baby in public. Why is it so shunned? And why do I feel like it's possibly even more frowned-upon in the LDS society? (Not always the case, but I'll get into why I believe it to be so later.)

A few months back, I had a friend from AZ get kicked out of a McDonald's (yes, you read that right.....out of family-friendly Mickey-D's) for nursing her baby (who was less than a year old at the time....I believe he was around 6 months old). The McD's worker went so far as to "walk" them out to their cars (she was with another friend and their children), threatening to call the police! Nothing was done about it until the local news got involved and ran the story. I was shocked by the comments on the news website. There were a lot of supportive comments, but there were also a lot of hate-filled, ugly, disgusting comments as well. All because this woman decided to feed her child. And if you're thinking, "Well, she must have been showing a lot of skin," you're wrong. She does not like to expose herself, and therefore she keeps herself very well covered when nursing. In fact, I have yet to see ANY woman breastfeeding in public who is showing even a remotely offensive amount of skin. I see much more skin watching the teens walk through the mall in their skin tight clothes and shirts that leave nothing to the imagination. And yet nobody's kicking them out of McDonald's. Why is this?

I believe it's because our society is so hung up on the sexual nature of breasts that we've completely forgotten what their INTENDED purpose is. If you want to show cleavage down to your navel at an awards show, you make it onto the "Best Dressed" list. But if you dare show any of that skin with a baby attached to it, you're waging a war on modesty and decency! This is so demented!

When this happened to my friend, a nurse-in was held at the McDonald's a few days later, and we held a virtual nurse-in on Facebook. (Basically a page that you "liked" to show your support for nursing in public.) A "friend" left a comment on my feed about how that was taking things too far and "there's something to be said for modesty" and "What about the people who aren't in our same 'season' of life (ie those without kids or those whose kids are older)?" and "What about the possibility of a 13yo boy without any siblings or experience seeing a woman breastfeeding.....what about being sensitive to him?"

Honestly, I wanted to smack her. But I refrained and tried to show her my perspective. Nursing isn't about being modest or immodest. It's about feeding a baby. Is there a possibility that you might see a little bit of skin or (heaven forbid) nipple while watching someone nurse a baby? Yep. I'm sure that people who've been around me have seen more skin than I realize when I'm feeding my babies. But do I care? Absolutely not. My "friend" who thinks nursing in public is immodest would see that as being confrontational. But I disagree. I never purposely show skin, but I also don't freak out if I'm not as fast with my shirt as my baby is in turning her head. It happens. Has someone around me ever been uncomfortable by my nursing? Most likely. But as I said to my "friend," my responsibility lies in feeding my baby, not in making sure everyone around me is ok with me feeding my baby.

Also, you can't please everybody. Some people are offended by it no matter how many layers a woman puts over the "offending activity." I know a lot of women who choose to use a nursing cover. I've even given them out as gifts before because I think I would've been more comfortable using one when AJ was a baby. It took us a while to get the hang of things and more often than not I needed 2 hands to nurse her and it was nearly impossible to keep my boob covered up. So I used a blanket instead, which fell off constantly. So annoying. So I think those nursing covers are a great idea for anyone who's not super comfortable or is less-than-coordinated, as I was. But I don't use them now. I think I tried them with Tink, but by then I was a lot more comfortable (and coordinated) and didn't feel the need to use one. Plus I actually think they draw MORE attention to the "offending activity." It's no secret what's going on under one of those things. ;) What I worry about with the nursing covers is that women feel the need to use them for everybody else's benefit and that bothers me. If a woman is more comfortable, HERSELF, using one, then more power to her. But if she's doing it because that's what is politically correct in this society, then that makes me crazy.

I had a lengthy conversation with another great friend who didn't like breastfeeding pictures because she worried that it perpetuated the p*rn problem. I don't know whether it does or doesn't, but I do think this subject is at the root of one of my issues with the opposition of nursing in public. In today's society boys and men are taught that boobs are for one thing and one thing only AND that they're these great, mysterious balls of wonder put on women purely for male enjoyment. I think this is at the heart of why the p*rn industry is so huge right now (along with the plethora of ways it's available). If we take away the mystery and wonder with our young boys and teach them first and foremost the intended purpose of boobs and the rest of women's bodies, then HOPEFULLY they won't be so caught up in trying to get a glimpse of them.

It's one of the things I believe to be at the root of the p*rn problem within the church these days. Because boobs-in-the-act-of-breastfeeding are lumped together with boobs-in-general when discussing modesty, boobs have this mystery and secrecy behind them that would stir anybody's curiosity. I found out something recently that made me jump for joy. It hasn't always been this way within the church. Remember WAY back in the day.....I'm talking pioneer-times? When the women would be covered from neck to ankle? Well, that was true at all times EXCEPT when breastfeeding! Surprise! Because it was NORMAL back then. That's how you fed your baby. And it was completely acceptable and normal, EVEN during Sacrament Meeting. -gasp!- Want proof?

(photo courtesy of http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/)

This is a photo of a painting at the Church History Museum. You can see the full version here along with a couple other close-ups depicting breastfeeding in the early days of the church and a great blog post about it. I love it! Here's another great post about nursing in the church. (This post is another great read about exposing children to nursing.)

This shows me that it is a fairly recent development in our society for nursing to be considered "immodest" or something that needs to be taken to another room.

I was talking to my brother and sister-in-law about this last night and expressing my concern that maybe the LDS society was a little TOO modest (specifically within our homes) and if the human body wasn't such a mystery that only serves to pique the curiosity of young men and young women, that MAYBE we wouldn't have as big of a fight against porn as we currently do. My brother pointed out that there are societies that are more modest than we are. Muslims, for example, cover much more than we do when outside of the home. BUT I don't know that they are as modest INSIDE their homes. One of my good friends in MI was Muslim and she invited me to a few get-togethers with her friends and family. These were female get-togethers, but there were children present (male and female children). All the women took off their hijabs while inside and "got comfortable." During one of these parties, a number of the women did some belly dancing, and wore the associated clothing. This is the only example I have to go on since we don't have many Muslim neighbors here in UT. But it was interesting to me that, at least in the case of these women, their "modest" clothing was worn only when men were around. This showed me that their boys grew up seeing their mothers not-fully-clothed. Another question I had, which I don't know the answer to, is whether or not there is as much of a problem with pornography in the Muslim society as there is in the LDS society. So once again, lots of questions, which I don't have the answers to. I only have theories.

So maybe nursing in public (and around young children, especially) isn't the cure for p*rn, but I think it is probably a good defense. There will always be p*rn and there will always be men and women who struggle with it, but my hope (at least for my children) is that because they have been exposed to what *real* bodies look like and what their purpose is, they will be less likely to get caught up in the mystery surrounding them.

Poor Roo is kind of an on-going experiment. Being my one and only son, I guess it's safe to say I'm testing out my theory on him. I'm going to confess something that I may get berated for. But so-be-it. I'm not advocating this for everybody, but so far it's working for us. Brent and I decided long ago that we wouldn't hide our bodies from our children until 1 of us (either the kids or the parents) felt uncomfortable. So far, Brent has felt uncomfortable with AJ around, so she knows she can't be in the bathroom when he's getting in and out of the shower. I don't think AJ could care less. She was old enough when we stopped letting her in that I'm sure she remembers what his body looks like. And she's still seen Roo naked now and again, so it's not like she doesn't know what a penis looks like. (The younger 3 girls still all see me and Brent naked almost daily.) Many women would frown on the fact that Roo still sees me naked. But I am very comfortable with my body (I guess having 5 kids and multiple hands and faces in your nether region will do that to you). Not that I'd go stand out on my porch naked as a jaybird for all the neighbors to see, but I don't mind those who are close to me seeing me naked. Roo is not yet uncomfortable with this. I recently told a friend this and she was shocked because her 6yo son would be mortified to see her naked. He's into the "EW, girls! Cooties! Yuck!" thing. Roo hasn't ever gotten into that, most likely because he's homeschooled and has no idea that girls are supposed to be gross yet. None of his homeschool friends have told him otherwise and apparently neither have his church or neighborhood friends, since many of them ARE girls. ;)

I'm not sure how much longer this relationship will go on. I'm sure one of us will start to feel uncomfortable fairly soon. But for now, he still walks in on me while I'm getting dressed, and we have a conversation. The whole time I'm watching for signs of discomfort from him, but there haven't been any yet. He looks me in the face. His eyes don't wander, even though I know he's seeing my whole body. And he never gives any indication that this is anything but normal. It makes me happy. Because when he's bombarded by images of scantily-clad women and websites showing stars covering nipples and groins, he's going to know what's underneath those stars. And the FIRST image of a naked woman that is planted in his mind will be that of his mother (or some of the other women that we've watched on birth videos and such). NORMAL female bodies. And he's going to know that a vagina gives birth and that boobs feed babies. And that sometimes (most times) women's bodies don't look like they do on the magazines and that THAT'S OK. Because his father, who he looks up to and admires as his hero, LOVED this woman who had a less-than-magazine-image body. In fact, it had -gasp!- stretch marks from babies and it had -gasp!- pubic hair and it sometimes even had -gasp!- hairy legs! And those boobs that he'll eventually learn from society are purely sexual, he'll be able to remember his mother feeding all of his sisters and know that their most important purpose is for the nourishment of children.

This is my hope and my prayer, anyway. Like I said, Roo is kind of an on-going experiment. But it's one I believe in (duh, otherwise I wouldn't be doing it).

So this probably goes way deeper than just nursing in public. But I believe this is where it starts. One of my fears is that my last baby won't nurse until s/he is old enough to remember nursing. And then s/he won't see it on a daily basis like his/her siblings. And there won't be enough women around who go against the norms of society and dare to feed their babies in front of my children. Oh, how I want more women to give my children this opportunity -- to see someone besides their mother nursing a baby.

Now when I see a woman nursing in public (which is still a rare occasion, unfortunately), I go out of my way to give her a smile.

Here are a couple more great blogs about breastfeeding in public (2 of these are referenced above):

http://www.nursingfreedom.org/2010/08/why-children-should-witness.html

http://aworldofwisdom.blogspot.com/2010/08/should-children-be-exposed-to.html

http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/08/breastfeeding-history-moment-lds.html

ps I have a friend who hates that I use the word "boobs." And I admit, it's not the prettiest word. But I don't love the word "breasts." Our children know that word, and know what they are, but we use "boobs" more in this house (not that we go around saying these words numerous times a day), so that's why I used that word in this post. Sorry for those that hate that word. Maybe I should have said "milk bags." :)

pps I should have made it more clear before, but just to make sure I'm understood.......I DO think boobs are for more than just breastfeeding. They most definitely serve a sexual purpose and I think this is as God intended. They are multi-functional, for sure. BUT I do believe their most important role (and the one that should NOT be hidden away) is that of baby nurturer.

What Boobs Are For-- Part I

I'm going to do a 2-part rant about breastfeeding. I'm doing it in 2 parts to (hopefully) keep it all readable lengths. Because I have a lot to say (as usual). Also, because I have 2 separate ideas I would like to discuss.

The first point I'd like to talk about is extended breastfeeding. It's been on my mind a lot lately since I have an 18 month old who still nurses a number of times a day. I'll start by telling you about an experience I had Saturday. I'm still not sure what to do about it. Maybe you can help me decide.

I was in desperate need of new nursing bras since the ones I was currently using were the same bras I bought when Lady was born and I've been using them consistently since then. They were also about 3 sizes too big and it was getting harder to hide the wrinkles under my shirts. After attempting to find some at JCPenney (they only had about 4 varieties and the ladies there weren't helpful AT ALL), Macy's and Dillard's (which don't even carry nursing bras-- which is discrimination, if you ask me), I was at a loss. Luckily my friend came over to do my hair a couple of weeks ago and told me about a local little shop that specializes in maternity/nursing wear. I was so happy! So I went there Saturday and fell in love as soon as I walked into the store. It was FULL of bras! I knew I'd be able to find something there. And even better than the amount of bras was the service I received from the sweet, little lady who was working there that day. We were the only 2 in the store and she helped me figure out the right size and helped me adjust each bra just right so I could really see/feel the differences. It was the best bra-shopping experience of my life!

Except for one detail.

When I first told the lady (we'll call her Lorraine) that I needed a nursing bra, she asked me how old my baby was. I told her, "18 months." She took a longer-than-necessary pause and then the conversation went like this:

Lorraine: "Oh." As if she didn't know what to do with that information. She then asked, "How long do you nurse your babies?"

Me: "I don't really have a set time limit. I'd like to continue however long my baby would like to."

Lorraine: "How long is the longest you've nursed?"

Me: "This is actually about when my last baby quit because I was pregnant with current-baby and my milk dried up and she didn't like that. But I'm not pregnant now and current-baby is still going strong!"

Lorraine: "Oh. Well, I had a friend whose daughter was old enough to actually ask for "chi chi." I just think that's too old. But that's just my opinion, of course."

Me (surprised at the direction this conversation is taking, and not quite sure how to handle it): "Well, it's just so good for them. And it doesn't stop being good for them just because they can ask for it."

Lorraine: "True."

Me: "It's certainly better than cow's milk."

(Which, if you think about it, is also breast milk, just from a bovine instead of a human. I'd much rather my baby be getting breastmilk from her own species, MEANT for her own species.)

Lorraine: "Hmm. Well, I know that in 3rd world countries, where they don't have a lot of food, they nurse their children until they're MUCH older than they do here. I guess it's just not kosher here."

Me: "Yeah, I envy those societies. They know what they're doing. That's what's natural."

Lorraine: "So, what do you think about that bra? It's a nice fit, isn't it?"

Thus ends the awkward conversation.

This is not the first time I have been questioned about my nursing practices, but it is the most lengthy questioning I've experienced. I was caught off-guard because I'd (wrongly) assumed that a woman who worked in a pro-breastfeeding job would actually have a little more knowledge than the average person who just takes the "norms" of society and aligns their thinking accordingly.

I am ashamed to admit, I actually used to think the same way as her. I might've even uttered similar words about not nursing "after they can ask for it".........before I became a mother.

The thing is, when you're in the middle of motherhood, nursing is just something you do everyday (and night). And there wasn't ever a time when I looked at my baby and thought, "Now you're too old to nurse." Each day, they were just one day older than yesterday. And what sense does that argument make anyway? Just because a child can ask for something, we shouldn't give it to them? What if they were asking for a bottle, or a glass of water? And some babies as small as 6 months old can sign for milk. Does that mean they should be cut off? It's just a silly, silly nonsense reason for weaning a child.

Some of my biggest regrets as a mother are the ending of my nursing relationships with each of my 3 oldest children. With AJ, I bottlefed along with breastfeeding because I was too scared to nurse in public, and also because I was in school still and wanted the reassurance that somebody else could feed my child. None of my children since her have ever had a bottle. We don't even own any now. AJ was 9 months old when she started getting all 4 of her top (middle) teeth at the same time. The bottle was easier for her, so she started refusing to nurse. NOW I understand that this was just a nursing strike and I could've pushed through it and continued our nursing relationship. I didn't know that back then, and I had no support to continue nursing. My mother had nursed each of her children for 6 months and thought that was plenty of time. (And in her defense, it was a LOT more time than most women were nursing in that era.)

With Roo, it was such a struggle to nurse him from the beginning. I saw a lactation consultant for 4 MONTHS! My nipples bled for the first 2 months because we could just not get his latch right. So I was not about to give up soon after. My goal was a year, and I made it there. At that point, Roo fell madly in love with food. Real food. And he lost interest in nursing. Again, I could've pushed through and kept the relationship going if I'd have realized it was so good and important. But I didn't.

With Tink, I mistakenly thought that I had to quit nursing to get pregnant again, even though my period had long since returned. So I weaned her at 15 months. She wasn't ready to quit. This is really one of my biggest regrets as a mother. Because it wasn't in any way Tink's choice. It was mine. I still mourn the loss of our nursing relationship.

Finally with Lady I knew better. I got pregnant while nursing, and about halfway through the pregnancy, my milk dried up. I would've kept going. I was actually looking forward to tandem-nursing. But Lady would have nothing to do with it. Our nursing relationship ended when she was 18 months old.

Recently, I've had a few people ask me how long I plan to nurse June. My answer is, "As long as it is beneficial for both of us." She still loves it and I still love it. Just yesterday she was being restless in Sacrament meeting and I whispered in her ear, asking her if she was excited for Nursery. Well, all she heard was "nurse" and got a huge smile on her face and immediately flopped herself back in my arms, ready to go. I laughed out loud, and then I nursed her. :)

Breastfeeding a toddler is very different than breastfeeding an infant. It has its pros and cons, just like anything else. But, in my opinion, the pros far outweigh the cons. I love the cuddle time. I love talking to her and knowing she understands what I'm saying. I love singing to her and seeing her smile while still trying to hold on to her latch. I love having something at my disposal that can immediately calm an agitated, sad, hurt, or frustrated toddler.

Did you know that breastmilk changes as the baby grows up? Toddler milk is quite different than infant milk. It has MUCH more fat in it. You know how doctors tell you children are supposed to drink whole cow's milk after they're a year old because of the high fat content? Well, guess what! Toddler breastmilk does the SAME THING, only it's actually made for the species that's drinking it.

So back to my experience with Lorraine. I'm unsure what to do about it, if anything. Part of me wants to write a letter, expressing my concern about the lack of support some new mothers might feel when talking to someone with these biases. Part of me wants to call her and talk to her over the phone. And part of me just wants to let it go, knowing I can't save the world. The trouble is, it's misinformation and opinions, based on cultural norms rather than biological/natural norms, that perpetuate the problem. As long as people who think like her keep walking around speaking their opinion, it's going to continue to be hard for new mothers to see past that and have the confidence to keep nursing their children. Ugh.

I feel like women today don't have the support they need to breastfeed in the first place, let alone breastfeed beyond a year. I was reading about another country, recently, (I believe it was the Netherlands, but I'm not certain and I can't find the link now) where they have a postpartum nurse/doula that comes to live with the mother for 2 weeks after birth (the Netherlands also have one of the highest rates of homebirth). She acts as a lactation consultant, and takes care of the new mother's every need. Why, oh why, don't we have anything like that here? There are some places where you can see a lactation consultant for free, but they are rare. And most new moms aren't particularly excited about leaving their house over and over to seek help. They have lactation consultants in the hospital, but in my experience, some are better than others. And there's the problem of them only seeing you once or twice during your stay. For me, I felt like I needed someone with me at each nursing session, to help me gain confidence and to just be there for moral support. I think things would've gone much smoother had I had that kind of support. And I think the number of breastfeeding women would increase if there was just some type of support system in place for new mothers. What is currently available is sadly lacking.

So leave me a comment and tell me what you think I should do in regards to Lorraine. I can't make up my mind.

And for anyone who'd like to read more about extended breastfeeding, there are lots of support groups, including La Leche League. Here are a few more good blog posts I've found:

http://compulsivewriter.com/?p=162

http://www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com/2009/05/the-pros-and-cons-of-breastfeeding-a-toddler/

(This one has some more links at the end.)

http://www.accidentalpharmacist.com/2010/12/extending-breastfeeding-beyond-year.html

(This one has a lot of good links at the end as well.)

http://healthland.time.com/2010/12/20/want-smarter-kids-consider-breastfeeding/?xid=rss-topstories&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+time/topstories+(TIME:+Top+Stories)

And just for fun, here's a video that went around during National Breastfeeding Week, and is what my title references.

What Am I Doing For My Birthday? ramble

My sweet visiting teacher dropped a little gift and card by my house yesterday and asked me what I had planned for my birthday. I shared my plans with her and she looked at me like I was crazy. Ha! Apparently Brent and I don't put enough emphasis on birthdays. They're usually just an ordinary day and then we celebrate later that weekend with a night out on the town. Fancy, aren't we?

So what am I doing today?

Well, so far this morning, I've managed to steer clear of the shower which I desperately need. I was supposed to get up and exercise with Brent this morning, but the sweet man let me off the hook when June woke up an hour before we were supposed to get up, destroying every ounce of motivation that I tried to muster. I needed that last hour, dang it!

I ruined breakfast in bed when I got up too early, having been woken again by Lady's screaming. Brent makes me breakfast every morning, that awesome man! A yummy green smoothie. This morning, I got the extra special treat of raw chocolate in my smoothie! Yum! I tried to talk him into staying home since he looked extra HAWT in his button-up shirt and sexy-butt jeans. He used the excuse of having lots of meetings today, but I'm secretly wondering if it was my lack of shower and greaseball hair. Hmm. Did you know he shaved his goatee a couple of weeks ago? He did. And immediately got multiple comments about how young he looked and what a baby face he has. Yep. Not helping my insecurities, here, hon!

I managed to get the kitchen cleaned up while the 3 middle children were downstairs playing in the bounce house. Can I tell you how awesome that thing is during winter to get extra energy out? Love it! AJ took over making June look pretty since Mommy had obviously dropped the ball this morning. She often takes over in this area. Now her hair's all done w/a pink flower and everything. Then AJ took her out in the backyard to watch Luke (cat) torture and then behead a mouse. June's response? "Whoa!" That's her new favorite word. Have I told you how cute she is lately? I love toddlerhood for so many reasons. I love to watch her run with her top half getting ahead of her bottom half. She pulls everything out of cupboards and drawers and rearranges them. Speaking of which, if anyone can think of a good hiding place for a can opener, pass it on to me please. She loves to "help" unload the dishwasher and write me love letters on post-it notes.

It's now 10:30 and I really need to get going for the day. Plans for the rest of the day, you ask?

-Chores (today it's bathrooms (AJ, Roo, and me) and dusting (Tink and Lady and June))

-School (AJ claims to be done with hers already.....hmmm)

-Carving pumpkins (Yes, I know we're terribly behind on this. I took the kids grocery shopping yesterday and upon seeing the piles of pumpkins, they all exclaimed, "Pumpkins, Mom! Can we get some?" I tried to avoid the subject by reminding them how busy we've been this year and couldn't we just wait until next year? They responded by reminding me that we didn't carve pumpkins last year. Insert awful mommy-guilt here. So we bought 5 ginormous pumpkins at Harmon's yesterday and, by-dang-it, they need to be carved! So that's in the works for this afternoon sometime.)

-Leftover dinner from last night

-Frantically getting the kids in their costumes and make-up.

-Trunk-or-Treat tonight w/the ward. AJ's in charge of one of the games along with some other Achievement Days girls. There will be scones, hot chocolate, tractor rides, and plenty of candy for all. (I'm quite pleased with myself this year. Instead of candy, we're passing out junky toys! (spider rings, pencils, plastic bracelets, rubber skeletons, etc.))

-Come home, showers for those w/make-up, pajamas, stories, scriptures, prayers, and bed. Ahhh. I love bedtime.

-Yoga w/Brent. Can't wait for this part. I always feel GREAT after yoga!

-Check email, FB, etc. Then prayers, scriptures, bed for me and Brent.

Happy Birthday to me!

This weekend, my sister will be enjoying a night away w/her hubby for her birthday in 9 days (we're only one year apart for 9 days! Woohoo!). I'm a little jealous. Maybe someday I will get to do that again with Brent. Before that happens we have to convince June that she CAN, in fact, go to bed without some bewb first. Hmm.

This weekend, Brent and I will be celebrating my birthday by going out to eat at a restaurant of my choice (have no idea yet which one), then coming home, putting kids to bed, and then maybe watching a movie. 'Cause we're fancy like that. And of course, this all hinges on whether or not we can get a sitter. Fun, fun!

Aren't you jealous of my life? I wouldn't trade it for anything!!!

Irreplaceable

As we, once again, mark the anniversary of arguably the most important day of my life (even though I wasn't even close to being conceived yet), I'd like to write another tribute post to my husband. Because really, it can't be said too many times how much I love this man and how grateful I am for him.

Dear Brent,

For your 34th birthday, I'd like to make mention of all the often-overlooked, under-appreciated little things you do that make my life better.

1. Thank you for always being the one to close the windows, lock the doors, and turn off all the lights before bed. It puts my mind at ease since I know you check them at least 3 times each. Besides, I'm afraid of the dark.

2. Thank you for being the sole motivator when it comes to exercise. Without you, my butt would be much bigger.

3. Thank you for stealing the sheets, but always leaving me the blankets.

4. And along those lines, thank you for being my personal space heater in bed.

5. And along a not-the-same,-but-similar line, thank you for not laughing when I come to bed in just g's and socks. I really hate pajamas, but DANG my feet get cold.

6. Thank you for being the same as me and the opposite of me in all the right ways. It makes the whole "work as a team" thing go so smoothly.

7. Thank you for being the type of husband whose wife has never had to have a "honey-do" list.

8. Thank you for always watching the gas tanks on our vehicles since I seem to be blind to them.

9. Thank you for always restocking the t.p. and tissues in every bathroom.

10. Thank you for taking care of all the finances (even though I know I need to get better at paying attention to these things).

11. Thank you for listening to me in bed even when all you want to do is roll over and go to sleep.

12. Thank you for asking about my day and validating the work I do.

13. Thank you for encouraging me on the bad days and rejoicing with me on the good days.

14. Thank you for making me your best friend and always putting me and the kids first on your list of priorities.

15. Thank you for showing our son the way a woman should be treated and for showing our daughters how they need to demand to be treated by any future beaus.

16. Thank you for insisting on (almost) weekly date nights even though they are getting more and more expensive with each kid.

17. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on, my hand to hold, and my bear hug when I need them the most.

18. Thank you for not writing me off with each of my "new" ideas.

19. Thank you for cleaning our white cast-iron sinks that don't like to stay white very long.

20. Thank you for taking care of our lawn. I know I mowed for you once this summer, and while I didn't hate it, it's definitely a job I'm glad you do 99.9% of the time. :)

21. Thank you for being the kind of man who, instead of thinking, "I can't." thinks "I need to learn how to...."

22. Thank you for keeping your goatee for family pictures even though you wanted to shave it. Of course I love your face either way, but I have many insecurities, one of which is this:

I really like that you look older than me when you have a goatee. I'm not secure enough to have you walking around looking like a newly-returned missionary whilst I tote my 5 kids and gray hairs around, letting everybody assume that I'm in my mid-40's and that it was *I* who robbed the cradle.

Proof:

(This was almost 2 years ago....the last time you didn't have facial hair.)

23. Thank you for always replacing my toothbrush in the battery-charger when I forget.

24. Thank you for always putting the lid down.

25. Thank you for always motivating me with all of our "projects." Most of them would never get done if it weren't for you.

26. Thank you for being the kind of dad worthy of having 4 out of 5 "daddy's girls/boys." (And probably the only reason it's not 5 out of 5 is because the 5th one is still attached to my chest.)

27. Thank you for always striving to be better and for encouraging me to do the same.

28. Thank you for living worthy to hold and use the priesthood.

29. Thank you for being the bread-maker in the family. (And the bread-winner as well.)

30. Thank you for being the kind of dad that takes our kids for rides in a wagon hooked onto the back of a riding lawn mower when I'm not around to freak out and make you stop.

31. Thank you for always fixing everything that needs to be fixed and making it better than brand new.

32. Thank you for kissing owies, giving loves, listening to endless Star Wars Lego stories, watching our girls dance, laughing at the way Lady says "cumber-you" instead of cucumber, reading bedtime stories, tucking-in and giving endless drinks at bedtime, and changing cloth diapers.

33. Thank you for your voluptuous lips.

34. And thank you for loving me through thick and thin.

I love you, Babe! Can't wait to see you tonight for our own private birthday party! ;)

Talents

I have come to the realization in the last few years that there are many talents that I was not gifted from Heaven. I used to feel bad about it. Now I don't. I realize that I have many talents that fit me perfectly. And I feel blessed to be able to enjoy the talents of other women without feeling (too much) jealousy. On that note, I present to you an incredibly talented and creative mother.

Here is her beautiful blog with her beautiful daughter and her beautiful daydreams. :)

Enjoy.